Change Will Come (and Now My Feet Won't Touch the Ground)
by sartiebodyshots
Summary: A season 4 au where Hal is near fatally injured in the attack instead of Maggie, and so Hal gets the spikes instead of Maggie. This fic explores how Ben and Hal's relationship with each other change, as well as their relationships with the rest of their family and everyone else. (Shoutout to tumblr user sartielifts for the au idea tbh)
1. Gone Quiet

Ben barrels into the room, heart pounding, certain he must have misunderstood. It's been a crazy day after all- Lexi has turned to the Espheni and has plans to destroy them all in a truly horrific way. Maybe Ben overheard the people talking wrong. Maybe he's overreacting. Plus, Hal isn't allowed to be severely hurt. He just isn't. It doesn't compute.

But when Ben sees him lying on the table, he knows. He knows that he heard right, that Hal is dying, unless they can figure out how to pull a miracle out of their asses.

Ben stands there dumbly, staring at his brother, trying desperately to figure out how to save his brother, but having no idea what could be done when Maggie approaches him.

"Anne injected him with some of Deni's spike fluid, but it didn't do anything," she tells him. "It just hurt him more, I think."

For the first time since he's come to this weird ass 'sanctuary' he ignores Maggie completely, just nodding vaguely as he takes a few steps towards Hal. His big brother looks scary pale and still, and yeah, he's seen Hal hurt before, but never like this. Not even when Karen had hurt him.

"Take my spikes," Ben says, looking at Anne. "If you can take them out, you can transplant them, right? Then he'd be able to heal, and he'd be okay."

"I thought about that, but we don't have any of the same equipment we had in Charleston, and it's not as simple as pulling a spike out and sticking it in someone else. Transplants are complicated. It could kill you both," Anne says. "Deni's still recovering just from having fluid taken from one spike."

"Cochise," Ben says decisively. Cochise is smart. Cochise knows things. "Talk to Cochise."

Anne nods and leaves, and Ben takes careful steps towards his brother. When he sees that Hal is stirring, Ben drops down to his knees.

Hal's eyes slowly open. "Don't do this." His voice is scratchy and hard to hear.

"What?" Ben asks.

"Could kill you," Hal says.

Ben shakes his head like it's no big deal. "I'll be fine. You just rest, okay?"

"I'm supposed to watch out for you," Hal says.

"You have, Hal," Ben says desperately. "You've looked out for me and Matt really well. It's my turn now. Just shut up and let me do this for you."

Hal's eyes flutter shut again, his head kind of nodding. Or at least Ben is going to interpret it as nodding.

"Hal? Hal!" Maggie yells.

Ben starts- he had totally forgotten that Maggie was behind him. He gets up and looks at her. "He'll be okay," he tries to sound convincing. "He'll have the spikes and he'll be okay."

"He says he doesn't want it though," Maggie says.

"He's being stupid," Ben says. "I'll be fine, and then he'll be fine."

"I don't know…" Maggie says, looking down at Hal.

"Maybe he's just out of it because of the transfer. If he's willing to risk Deni's life, he should be okay with this, too," Ben reasons. It's weak reasoning, he knows., and when Maggie continues to just look at Hal, Ben continues. "I'm not letting him die, okay? That's just not acceptable."

Maggie looks at him with uncertainty on her face that makes him want to scream. This seems like a no-brainer to him. "If it was me, I know I wouldn't want spikes in my back."

"You'd rather die?" Ben asks in disbelief.

Maggie chews on her lips and nods. "It just seems like it'd be-" she cuts herself off, looking up at him. "I don't think I'd like it."

"Well, we're not talking about you- we're talking about Hal. And his problem isn't with the spikes; it's with the risk to me," Ben argues, trying not to fill in that blank space. A lot of people think he's a freak, less than human, whatever. And he's mostly okay with it (and agrees with them on his bad days), but not from Maggie. "And I don't care. So we're doing it."

Ben starts pacing, trying to block out the sounds of Hal's heartbeat. Usually sounds like that recede to the background, but Ben can't control it right now. All he can hear is how uneven and weak it sounds. It seems even weaker because Hal's heartbeat is usually really strong and even comforting.

Soon, but not nearly soon enough for Ben, Anne comes back with Cochise and a machine in tow. They both explain the procedure, always peppering in how dangerous it is, not seeming to get that he doesn't care. If it saves Hal, it's worth it. Even if it means losing his spikes and everything that goes with them, even if it means dying. Hal's his _brother_.

Maggie looks like she's about to say something, but Ben shoots her a look. The last thing he needs is to give Anne some excuse to not do this.

In the background of all of this useless discussion is the sound of Hal's failing heart. It's the scariest sound he's ever heard, and it's a relief when they finally knock him out for the procedure.


	2. Internal Displacement

The first thing Hal notices when he wakes up is the pain. The only time he's been in this much pain is when they gave him that Volm stuff to get rid of the eyeworm. He's repressed most of that, though.

This pain is different anyway. Then he felt like he was dying, but now, however how intense this is, he knows he's alive. It's swelling up inside him and he wants to scream, scream about how alive he is, but he can't breathe nearly enough to scream.

The pain doesn't recede, but he manages to force his eyes open. Ben is laying right there next to him, pale as can be. For a brief second, Hal is worried that he's dead. He certainly looks dead. But Hal can tell that he's alive.

It takes Hal a minute to figure out how it is he can tell that Ben is still alive, but then he realizes that he can hear his breathing- and his heart beating. That's unexpected. Now he has to figure out how he can hear that.

Luckily, the searing pain in his back offers a few suggestions. He remembers the attack, he remembers Maggie finding him, he remembers the pain of Deni's spike fluid coursing through his veins. Most of all, he remembers Ben volunteering to give up his spikes and trying to persuade him not to.

Unsurprisingly, his brother didn't listen to him. It's all too overwhelming for Hal, so he closes his eyes again and hopes to wake up to something else.

When he wakes up again, he feels like he can breathe again. For a few, too brief seconds, he thinks that he's back in his bed, snuggled up. The illusion comes crashing down when he feels the pain in his spine again.

He pries open his eyes and Ben is gone. Hal bolts upright. Or, he tries to bolt upright, but everything is stiff and hurts and feels really goddamn weird, so he just makes a pitiful noise and manages to turn onto his side.

This sets off a flurry of incredibly loud action behind him. There are hands on his back, helping him sit up, and Maggie is in front of him, hands on his shoulders.

"Hey," Maggie says with a hesitant smile. "How are you feeling?"

Hal opens his mouth to reply, but ends up coughing instead. To Maggie's credit, she just crinkles her nose, but doesn't drop him.

"Don't worry about talking," Anne's voice comes from behind him. She's poking and prodding at his back. "Your throat is probably dry."

Maggie looks at someone behind him and says, "Can you try to find him some water?" and somebody starts jogging away.

Despite Anne's order, he swallows hard and manages to force one question out. "Where's Ben?" He pays for that sentence with another round of pained coughing.

"Ben is resting. He wanted to stay, but I made him go sleep because it had been hours and we didn't know when you'd wake up. Had to have Cochise take him somewhere else, so he'd actually go to sleep," Anne says. "I've been checking on him; he's okay."

In Hal's opinion, Ben should be here so that way Anne can keep an eye on him constantly. After all, losing his spikes must be dangerous. Someone should be watching him.

Hal manages one more word: "Matt?"

"He's looking for survivors in the rubble with Weaver," Maggie says, "but he's okay."

He can't help but think that maybe Matt should be something less dangerous than digging around in the rubble, but, then again, Hal knows how stubborn Matt can be. Hal hopes that at least someone _tried_ to get him to come inside, though.

Hal wants to articulate what he's thinking, but his throat is too dry to say anything else. Instead, he lets himself get poked and prodded, trying to ground himself.

There are three strange pinpricks in his back, which he's assuming are the spikes. They hurt, but not in an urgent, overwhelming way. The urgent pain is coming from lower down his back and from his chest as well, but even as he thinks about it and catalogs it, the pain starts to recede.

Running underneath the pain are the sensations. He's never been so aware of the fabric his pants are made of. It's rough against his skin, and it's something he's always ignored completely. Speaking of things against his skin, he's not only aware of the fingers pressing into his skin, but of the very slight breeze in the room. He can even feel it brushing against his spikes. Now there's a strange thought.

Hal can also hear everything. Anne's breathing. So many conversations that he can't pull them apart. _Maggie's_ breathing, brushing gently against his face. There are also a lot of noises that he has no idea how to place.

"Your recovery is remarkable." Hal manages to focus on Anne's voice for a little bit. "Another doctor would never be able to guess how badly you were injured earlier today."

Nobody seems to be bringing him water (not that Hal can blame them), so he can't say anything to warn them both that he's about to get up. It's painful, like he's just run for miles, but it's doable, no matter what worried noises Maggie and Anne are making. It's really hard to focus on the words they're saying, but they're definitely concerned.

Maggie grabs his arm, and Hal leans on her. He can stand, but he isn't sure how far he'd be able to walk. They're trying to get him back on the table, but that's not acceptable. He's gotta find Ben.

Even though Hal should have no idea where Ben is sleeping, he leads the way with certainty. Some of the building is hard to navigate- the halls are full of debris and in some places the floor is missing- but it's nothing that's impossible to navigate, especially with Maggie's help. Luckily, Ben isn't too far away. He knows that somehow.

They turn into a room and Ben is curled up on the floor in a corner. He's exactly where Hal knew he would be.

Hal takes a few steps forward and Ben looks up at him, blinking slowly. He still looks too pale and Hal is mad that no one was keeping a constant eye on him.

"We're not dead, are we?" Ben says. His voice is hushed like a whisper, but it still sounds loud to Hal. It's also easier to focus on than Anne's or Maggie's voices were, despite the cacophony of sounds around him.

Hal shakes his head.

"His throat is too dry to talk," Maggie says, "but once he gets some water, he should be okay. Thanks to you, Ben."

"Anne did all the hard work. I just had to lay there," Ben says. He reaches around behind him and produces a canteen, holding it up to Hal. "Here, Cochise brought this by a little while ago. He keeps making sure I haven't moved."

Hal takes it gratefully, swallowing a few mouthfuls and then swishing one around. "Thanks, Ben," he says, turning to Maggie. "Can you help me down?"

"Are you still hurt?" Ben asks, sitting up and helping Maggie ease him to the ground.

"I just feel sore and achy. Way better than I did earlier," Hal says. He leans against the wall, but quickly realizes how uncomfortable that is.

Maggie looks at them and then takes a few steps back. "I'm gonna tell Anne you're both doing okay," she says.

"Thanks, Maggie," Hal says. They sit in silence as Maggie's footsteps retreat. Hal can't take it much longer, so he finally says, "That was really dumb of you." Because it really, truly was.

Ben turns to look at him with a raised eyebrow. "You know, people usually say thank you when you help save their life. Or, you know, at least don't insult you."

"Yeah, but like you said, all you had to do was lay there," Hal says.

"True, true," Ben says. "How are you feeling?"

Hal wants to ask him about the noises and the sensations and _everything_, but the last few days have been too heavy already and it's always hard to talk about things with Ben. He keeps his voice light, like he doesn't really mean it. "Some back pain, a little stiffness, but, you know, nothing too bad."

"You're a crap liar," Ben says, snorting and nudging him. "You almost got blown up earlier."

Hal stretches nonchalantly and then winces because his chest still hurts. "Almost is the key word. I'm okay now. The spikes are doing their work."

Ben looks at him, opens his mouth, but then closes it, shaking his head. Then he surprises Hal by wrapping his arms around him carefully. It's overwhelming; he can feel the fibers of Ben's shirt as they brush against his skin, as well as how his hair is tickling the side of his face. He has to clamp down on the instinct to laugh.

"I'm glad you're okay," Ben's voice whisper-booms next to his ear, crashing over the slow but steady sound of his heartbeat.

"Thank you," Hal says softy, bringing his own hands up to return the hug. It's strange to press his hands against Ben's mid back without brushing against spikes. He feels Ben instinctively flinch away from him before apologizing and relaxing again.

It's funny, the things you get used to.


	3. Things Not Seen

Tom sprints to the infirmary when he hears about Ben and Hal, Matt in tow. When he gets there and only sees Anne and Maggie, talking in hushed, worried tones, his heart drops.

He stands in the doorway, struggling to comprehend the idea of losing two of his sons in one day, when Anne sees him. Tom lets Anne hug him, feeling numb, mostly.

"Where are they?" Tom asks fearfully, expecting to have his worst suspicions proven correct.

"They're both okay, Tom," Anne murmurs. "They're both awake and moving."

"Where are they?" Matt chimes in. "I want to see Hal and Ben."

"There's something you both should know first," Anne says, pulling away to look at both of them. "Hal was very seriously wounded in an explosion during the attack."

"Is Hal okay?" Matt interrupts. "Why didn't anyone tell me he was hurt?"

"I think he's going to be just fine. We transplanted some of Ben's spikes into Hal, and he woke up an hour ago," Anne says.

"He went to go check on Ben, and I thought I'd give them some time to talk," Maggie says.

"I wanna see them," Matt insists.

"We're fine, buddy," Hal says.

Everyone looks over to see the two of them walking through the door. They're both leaning on each other heavily; Tom can't even tell who is supporting whom, but he can feel the relieved smile stretching across his face. His boys are all here and they're all okay.

"Hal!" Matt yells, running at him.

"Hey buddy!" Hal lets go of Ben to lean down and hug Matt.

Tom jogs after Matt, locking Ben in a tight embrace. He had been worried that he was never gonna see Ben again. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Ben says softly, "and Hal is looking way better than he did earlier. How are you? Weren't you, like, stuck in some exploding thing?"

"I knew Matt and everyone were up there digging us up. I knew we'd be okay. I was just worried about you and your brothers," Tom says. He can't believe he had been stuck down there while Hal had been up here almost dying.

He lets go of Ben and hugs Hal carefully, unsure if he's still in pain. His fingers brush over Hal's spikes accidentally and he can feel Hal shudder underneath him.

"Sorry, sorry. Are they tender?" Tom asks, pulling back a bit to hold Hal by the shoulders gently and look him up and down. He looks kind of banged up and bruised, but otherwise, he seems to be alright.

"Everything is just kind of sore," Hal says. There's something Hal's voice that sounds off, but Tom can't put his finger on it. "It's okay, though. I'm feeling better, especially now that Matt and you are here."

Speaking of Matt, Tom feels him wiggle out from between the two of them to hug Ben, who hoists him up with a pained groan.

"Am I heavy?" Matt asks.

"Nah, you could never be heavy," Ben says, "It's just been a long day."

"Yeah…" Matt says, twisting his face. "I was digging in the rubble with Captain Weaver to find Dad for a long time."

"I'm glad you found him," Ben says, hoisting him up a little higher.

"I'm glad you took care of Hal," Matt says, resting his head on Ben's shoulder. He yawns widely.

"I'm feeling kind of tired. Do you want to go to sleep?" Ben asks.

Matt nods. "I don't think I have a bed anymore, though."

"I know a really nice place to take a nap. There's a few blankets and everything," Ben says.

"Let's go then," Matt says. "Hal, will you come, too?"

"Yeah, I'm beat," Hal says, untangling himself from Tom. "Thanks for everything, Anne. Goodnight, Maggie." He kisses Maggie on the cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Then, the three of them disappear out the door before anyone can say anything else.

"Are they okay?" Tom asks Anne, looking at the door all of his sons disappeared through and rubbing his face. "Are they gonna be okay?"

Anne comes up next to him and rests a hand his shoulder, shaking her head. "I think so. But this is so far outside my expertise that I can only guess. He didn't answer any of my questions when he woke up, which didn't help."

"He looks a lot better than he did," Maggie says. "Yeah, he's a little off, but it would have been a hard day even if he hadn't gotten caught in a gas explosion."

"I'll monitor him closely over the next couple days," Anne says, "and if either of you notice anything wrong, you should tell me."

"Of course," Tom says. "Thanks, Anne."

Anne kisses him on the cheek. "I'm glad you're okay."

"You, too," Tom says. "Do you know where they're going to go sleep?"

"Ben was sleeping down the hall and to the left earlier, so probably there," Maggie says.

"Thanks, Maggie. I'm going to go check on them," Tom says.

"See you later," Anne says.

Tom follows the instructions that Maggie gave him, peeking into each room. When he finally finds his boys, they're curled up together on the floor of one of the rooms, all seemingly fast asleep. It's an idyllic scene, if Tom ignores that they're sleeping on the floor of a half destroyed building with only enough blankets to keep Matt warm. Something strikes him as strange, however.

It only takes him a second to figure out what. Matt is asleep against the wall, which is pretty normal, but whereas Hal is usually next to him, Ben is there instead, asleep, stiff as a board with one arm looped around his younger brother to keep him close. Hal isn't even right next to Ben. He's sprawled out, like always, but with noticeable space between him and his brothers.

Tom honestly has no idea what to do with these observations. He isn't even sure if they're actual observations or if he's making something out of nothing. It could just be that Hal is in pain from the explosion earlier.

He heaves a sigh and sits down next to them. No matter what it is, the least he can do is keep an eye on them and make sure they're not disturbed while they rest.


	4. A Second Remaking

Ben wakes up slowly, breathing deeply. He looks down at Matt to check that he's still asleep, and yep, his little brother is still sound asleep. Honestly, Ben just wants to stay like this for a while. He doesn't want to turn around to check on Hal or see how long he's been asleep or look Dad in the face.

Especially that last one.

Dad has always been able to tell when something is wrong with him without him having to say anything, which is something that Ben has always appreciated. Except right now, Ben doesn't even know what's wrong. Usually, even that's okay because Dad will know. Dad has almost always been able to figure out what's wrong with Ben when no one else could, but, he knows that he won't this time.

He's worried that Dad will feel bad if he can't figure it out. Ben just wants to ignore it away.

It's easier to just lay here, anyway. He can't remember the last time that he ever wanted to just lay in bed after getting that much sleep. Usually, he never sleeps more than a few hours at once, and he's too wired to stay in bed once he wakes up. Today though, he feels like he could go back to sleep again.

He doesn't, but he also doesn't move either. Ben just lays there for what feels like an hour, trying not to think about anything at all.

It works, mostly, until he hears Dad moving somewhere near his head. Dad is kind of scooting towards the three of them, Ben thinks, and then suddenly, his hand is in his hair. Ben starts and then looks up to see his dad looking down at him with his concern.

"Sorry, I thought you were asleep," Dad says softly.

"Why aren't _you_ asleep?" Ben asks, shifting to try to get more comfortable without jostling Matt too much.

Dad shrugs. "All three of you were sound asleep, and someone had to make sure you weren't disturbed. How are you feeling?"

"I'm glad Hal's okay," Ben says. He has to work to focus on it, but he can hear the comforting, steady sound of Hal's heartbeat behind him. It's quieter than it had been before, but Ben chalks that up to the urgency he had been feeling earlier. It's strong and that's what's important.

"Me too," Dad says, "but I want to know how you're feeling."

Ben sighs and carefully lets go of Matt, making sure to tuck him in. Then, he scoots up so he's sitting next to Dad. That way, he can kind of stare into the mid-distance without having to look Dad in the eye.

"I'm fine," Ben says and it sounds pitifully unconvincing.

Dad nudges him. "Come on, you should know better by now."

"Yeah, I should," Ben says, contemplating for a few seconds. "I just don't know what to say. I don't even know what's going on. I figure I should focus on helping Hal. Maybe then I'll be able to figure it out."

"You just seem kind of," Dad pauses and Ben can feel the intensity of the gaze that he's purposefully avoiding, "Kind of slow."

Ben laughs and shakes his head, and then he stops shaking his head because the room starts to low key spin. "You know, I'm never saving Hal's life again. He calls me an idiot, you call me slow. No respect, any of you." At least Matt thanked him.

"I didn't mean…"

"I'm kidding, Dad," Ben says, yawning and resting his head on Dad's shoulder.

"I'm just worried about you, okay?" Dad says. He wraps an arm around Ben and pulls him close.

A weird burst of jealousy shoots through Ben, but is gone as soon as he registers it, so he ignores it.

"I'm not the one who almost died, Dad. There's no need to worry about me," Ben says.

"I'm your dad, Ben. I'm always worried about you and your brothers," Dad says.

"I know," Ben says. He sighs and sits upright. "I think I'm going to go for a run."

"Be careful."

Ben rolls his eyes and gets up. "If it makes you feel any better, I think that once the Espheni are ready to come for us, they're just gonna come. No skulking in the bushes."

Dad laughs, but there's no humor in it. "That doesn't make me feel much better."

"Yeah, I didn't think it would," Ben says. "We'll be okay, though."

He hopes.

Ben forces himself to his feet, even though he feels too heavy. He walks outside, purposefully avoiding the infirmary. Who knows if Dad's concern has spread to Anne? Ben knows that he would have tried, at least.

Once he gets outside, he tries not to notice the wreckage. It's pretty difficult, since there isn't much else other than rubble and wreckage around.

Once he gets to the woods, he starts off slow, jogging along a river. It's tricky terrain, but he's nimble and careful, so it's no big deal. It's entirely possible that he could have run like this even before he got his spikes, which means this isn't nearly enough to keep his mind off of things, so he pushes himself a little harder.

His blood really starts pumping through his veins and it feels good. He's been feeling kind of foggy, so he's hoping that if he pushes himself, he'll be able to push through the fog and feel the way he usually does.

But it's different. Yeah, there's the wind whipping through his hair and the steady thud of his feet against the ground, cracking twigs in half, but it's not as crisp and close as he's used to. It's like there's a bubble between him and the rest of the world.

He doesn't like it, so he jogs a little harder and heads uphill. The strain is starting to make him sweat and breathe hard. This isn't the kind of thing that's usually enough to make him sweat too much.

His vision starts to blur, so he takes it down a notch, turning back towards camp, just in case. Ben's foot catches on something and he's on the ground, rolling downhill until a tree stops him.

Maybe he blacks out for a few seconds, maybe he doesn't, but either way, his body hurts. At least nobody is around to see him. That would have been embarrassing.

He tries to pop up to his feet like usual, figuring that if he walks slowly, he'll be mostly healed up by the time he reaches camp again. Instead of landing on his feet, however, he just falls back against the tree.

Ben eases himself to the ground. When he looks down at himself, he sees blood trickling down his wrist. Swearing to himself, he pulls his sleeve up to see a big gash on his arm. What a pain in the ass.

He carefully takes his jacket off, not wanting to risk getting blood on it. Moving slowly, Ben scoots his way to the river, rinsing his arm off carefully.

It doesn't look too bad, so he figures it'll stop bleeding in a minute and heal up not too long after that. Seriously, for all the crap that people give him about the spikes, they come in handy. They're probably jealous.

A few minutes later, he's still bleeding from his arm. It's not too much, but it's enough that it's unusual.

_Okay, Ben_ he thinks to himself, feeling kind of dizzy, _maybe I can't just ignore this better after all._


	5. The Weight of Air

Hal can't sleep. He can feel everything pressing down on him, burying him. At some point he learned something about air pressure. Something about how the air presses down. Maybe that's why ears pop? Honestly, knowing things like that is Ben's nerd territory, but the point is, that he used to think that the idea of air pressure was dumb.

Air is super light. What could air pressure matter? Except now, laying on the floor, listening to the overwhelming noises of Matt, Ben, and Tom existing, he almost feels like he can feel the weight of the air pressing down on him.

He could barely hug Matt goodnight, and when Matt had asked if he could sleep with him tonight, Hal had had to use that he was still in pain from getting hurt earlier as an excuse. It had been a lie- he had stopped being in pain from that while he was talking to Ben. He hates lying to Matt, but it's better than "I think I'm crazy."

Because Hal is pretty sure he's crazy. Everything that brushes up against him feels like burning, and it was painful to even think about lying with his arms wrapped around someone. Luckily, Ben had scooped Matt right up with a searching look that Hal had avoided.

So now, he's laying there, staring at the inside of his eyelids because Dad has decided to sit there all night. He keeps waiting for his dad's breathing to even out like both of his brothers', but it never happens. Must be worried.

After painful hours of laying on the jagged floor, he hears Ben wake up. He lays there until Dad scrapes across the floor and starts talking to Ben. Like last night, he finds it hard to focus on what Dad is saying, but he tries hard since he can hear Ben alright.

But he hears Dad talk about how worried he's been about Ben and how much he wants to know how Ben is feeling, and suddenly, he doesn't want to listen anymore because what the hell? Yeah, sure, Ben had gone after Lexi, but it had been his choice to be a reckless idiot and he isn't the one who had almost been killed because of her. What the hell. Didn't his dad care about him at all? Why does Ben always get all of the attention from Dad?

Wait, wait, wait. Hal brings his mental train to a crashing halt. Where's that coming from?

He's pretty much used to the fact that Ben's closer to Dad than he'll ever be. It only kind of bothers him. They had been closer before the invasion- it's nothing new. Nerds unite! or something like that. He had appreciated it, honestly. Without Ben, Hal would have had to listen to Dad talk about whatever it is that nerds talk about, but Ben had always happily taken the brunt of that.

But, God, sometimes he wishes that he could talk to Dad the way that Ben does. He wishes Dad would talk to him the way he talks to Ben.

That he isn't as compatible with Dad as Ben is doesn't mean that Dad doesn't love him, though. It's hard to remember sometimes, though. He's having trouble remembering it now, painfully pressed against the floor by the weight of the air above him, the overwrought concern that Dad had had for Ben reverberating in his head.

Hal lays there until he can't take it any longer, jumping to his feet.

"Hal!" Dad exclaims, grinning widely.

"Keep your voice down," Hal says, nodding towards the wall where Matt is sleeping.

Dad raises an eyebrow but nods. "Is this okay?"

His voice still sounds too loud, but Matt doesn't seem to be stirring, so he nods.

"How are you feeling?" Dad asks.

"Good," Hal says. "No more pain." At least not from his injuries.

"And how are the spikes? Are you okay with that?"

"Not really?" Hal says with a shrug. They're insidious alien technology bored into his spine, doing who knows what to him, and his brother almost died over them. Who would be okay with that? "But it's fine."

"You wanna talk about it?" Dad says.

"Not really," Hal says. "I just want to find a shirt, mostly." Actually, he doesn't, because he's sure that that's going to feel really weird, but he also can't run around shirtless forever.

"I can help you look if you want. Or see where Anne put your jacket at least," Dad says.

Hal's finding it hard to focus on what he's saying again, so he just shakes his head. "You should stay here with Matt. He doesn't like waking up alone."

"Okay…" Dad purses his lips as Hal turns towards the door. "You know you can come to me if you need anything, right?"

Hal nods mutely because lying is easier when he doesn't he doesn't have to open his mouth.

He kind of hears Dad say something else, but Hal's lost focus on him already. There are five other conversations going on right now and Dad's voice fades into the background of them all.

It takes half an hour to find a shirt that's not torn to shreds, but he finally finds a shirt that fits. It slides across his spikes like nails on a chalkboard. It's not quite painful, but it's the most uncomfortable sensation he's experienced.

Hal starts wandering aimlessly, surveying the wreckage because he doesn't know what to do next, when a bolt of pain shoots through him suddenly. He stumbles and supports himself on a wall, breathing heavily.

When he sees Maggie coming towards him, Hal tries to compose himself as best he can. He knows he needs to concentrate and he doesn't want to worry her.

"Hey, Hal!" Maggie says. "I've got this for you."

Hal takes his jacket and puts it back on, carefully. "Thanks, Maggie."

"How are you feeling?"

Hal kisses her soft cheek and puts on a smile. "Much better."

"What was that, then?" Maggie asks, raising an eyebrow. She wraps an arm around his waist companionably as they start down the hall together, Hal feeling the press of each and every part of her against him. It's overwhelming in a way that feels good, and Hal is scared of that.

"It's just weird," Hal says. The pain is starting to fade away now. "The spikes… they make things feel different."

"Different how?" Maggie asks.

"I don't know how to describe it," Hal says, and at least that's half honest. "I'll figure it out though."

"Maybe you should try talking to Ben about it," Maggie suggests. "He's been here before, right?"

Hal honestly doesn't know if Ben has. How did he not go crazy trying to cope with it on his own? "I don't want to bother him too much. He's seemed kind of tense lately."

"So's everyone," Maggie says, "This has been a weird place to be cooped up in, trust me. I thought I was going to go crazy before he woke up."

Apparently both of them are relying on Ben to stay sane. That's a disaster waiting to happen.

"I don't want to bother him," Hal says.

Maggie hip checks him gently. He misses the first part of her sentence (or maybe a whole sentence- the sound and the feeling of her hip crashing against his is astounding), but he manages to catch at least part of it. "-excuse and you know it."

"I'll think about it?" Was that an appropriate reply to whatever Maggie said?

"Do it soon. Please." Maggie says.

"Do you wanna go try to find some breakfast?" Hal asks, mostly to change the subject.

"Sure, Hal," Maggie says.

They manage to find the makeshift food line and they grab some canned mushed vegetable looking thing. It's food, at least, and they take it to a solidary corner.

Maggie is pressing against him and his other side is painfully pressed against a half destroyed wall. The food slides down his throat as he tries to block out at least some of the sounds bearing down on him.

It's easier to deal with if he focuses on looking around. Their camp may be decimated, but there's a brisk crispness in the air that Hal likes. When he looks around, there's clarity that Hal has never experienced before.

The closest he's ever had to this feeling is when Ben let him borrow his backup glasses, back when he actually wore glasses. Ben had rolled his eyes when Hal had asked to wear them for Halloween, but he had let him use them anyway. Caught up in the excitement of Halloween (and, okay, the beer at the party) as he hadn't noticed how blurry things had been. When he had taken them off after sneaking back into his room, everything had suddenly seemed clear again.

Hal had constantly teased Ben about how blind he was for the next couple days. Or weeks. Whatever. He misses the easy, low stakes teasing they used to have.

Anyway, looking around the camp, this is a million times more intense. It's distractingly intense. He's caught up in looking at every brick on one of the buildings across from them. He had never noticed how rough bricks look, how they fit together- unevenly, yet somehow they're still standing when so much around them has fallen. Bricks are fascinating to look at, turns out.

He doesn't know how long he spends, tracing every half inch of the wall with his eyes, but soon, he's filled with sudden fear and worry. Hal's on his feet before he even thinks about it, startling Maggie.

"I'll be right back," Hal says.

There's a response that Hal can't quite catch, but he's already halfway across the encampment. He doesn't know where he's going or why, but he knows that he really needs to get there as soon as he can.

His feet pound solidly against the ground as he runs.


	6. Put a Ribbon on My Brain

Ben wraps his arm up carefully with a strip from the bottom of his shirt and puts his jacket on, head shooting up as he hears someone approaching. A minute later, Hal appears out of the bushes.

"What are you doing here?" Ben asks, confused. He's still kind of far out from camp, not somewhere that someone is going to randomly stumble on him. Plus, he should have heard Hal coming way before he saw him.

"I don't-" Hal furrows his brow and looks around, wide eyed. "Where are we?"

"In the woods," Ben says.

"I got that," Hal says. "Why am I here?"

Ben shrugs, hoping Hal isn't about to get existential on him. It's Hal, so he's probably safe. "How am I supposed to know? How did you even find me?"

"I was having breakfast with Maggie and I just… had to start walking."

Ben swallows hard. "And you ended up here?"

"Duh."

"Come here," Ben says, gesturing him over. Holding his breath, he turns Hal around and carefully pulls the collar of his shirt back.

"What are you doing?" Hal asks, trying to turn around to look.

"Shh!" Ben says, pushing his head back forward. He examines the spikes on his brother's back. "They're fine."

"What were you expecting?" Hal asks, turning back around to face Ben.

"Nothing."

"Come on, Ben," Hal says. "Tell me.

"I was worried they'd be glowing," Ben says.

"Woah, what?! Why would they be glowing? Are there skitters here?" Hal asks, looking around.

"No, no. I was just wondering," Ben says. "I don't know. Never mind. Just… never mind."

"You know, you're kinda smart. And you have a lot more experience with the spikes than I do. So if you think something is up, then I want to know," Hal mumbles.

It's always weird, when Hal gives him compliments like that. No matter how much he wants to say that he doesn't care what his stupid older brother thinks of him, he knows he's deluding himself. Hal's his older brother, and Ben cares about what he thinks. And when he gives compliments like that, earnestly and without a barb on the end, it really means something.

"I don't know what's going on," Ben says. "I don't know how to describe it."

"But there's something going on? I'm not crazy?" Hal's looking at him with desperation, and Ben thinks that just maybe he should have stuck around this morning for a little bit or else gotten some private time with him last night.

"I know it feels like you're crazy, but you're not. You need some time to adjust," Ben says. "Give yourself that, at least."

Hal sits down slowly, staring at the river, and Ben joins him. "How long did it take you? To get used to it?"

"How long has it been since you guys got me back?" Ben asks, slipping him a sideways grin.

Hal makes eye contact with Ben and raises an eyebrow. "Really? _That_ long?"

"I'm kidding. Kind of. But there are a lot of differences between us," Ben points out. "You only have three spikes, so I'm pretty sure you don't get as much spike fluid. I mean, we'd have to check to make sure, but it'd only make sense."

"So you mean this is _less_ intense than what you went through? Because this is about all I can handle," Hal says quietly.

Ben shrugs. "Maybe? But I also had the harness for a while, and when I was under there, I had time to get used to it without actually having to do anything. It was easy. It only got hard once the harness was taken off."

"I'm not getting one of those. Having a dead one on my back was bad enough," Hal says with disgust.

"I wasn't saying you should," Ben says. "I was just saying that even though I know a lot about this, our situations aren't the same. Still, I'll help you out however I can. If you want."

Hal nods. "Things are really overwhelming, especially sounds. I feel like I can hear everything. It's really distracting when I'm trying to talk to someone. I don't think I've been able to have a regular conversation yet. Like, I was talking to Maggie earlier and I totally missed parts of her sentences, even though I was focusing hard."

"You're doing okay now," Ben says. "At least, I think you are."

Hal shrugs and looks away. "It's, uh, a lot easier. To focus on your voice."

"Really?" Ben asks.

"Yeah. It cuts through all of the other chatter," Hal says solemnly, before getting louder and kind of defensive. "Which is annoying. Because your voice is annoying."

Ben snorts and elbows him. "Rude. Very rude."

"It's terrible," Hal says.

"If you want to be able to block out my voice, and, you know, pay attention to other people's, you've got to work at it. I used to like to go out to the woods near the school and practice picking out different animal sounds. The more I did it, the easier it was to keep track of people's voices," Ben says. "The other noises will start to fade into the background."

"That's where you kept going, back when Dad was away? You could have just told me, you know," Hal says.

Ben remembers how Hal would always ask where he was going and how he usually either ignored him or yelled at him to leave him alone. "Nobody trusted me. I didn't want to raise any more suspicion."

"I trusted you, you know," Hal says. "I always knew you were on our side."

"Yeah, I know that now, but…" Ben swallows hard, his lips quirking upwards bitterly. "You'll see, okay? Once they find out you have spikes, people are going to start looking at you differently and you won't want to trust anyone either."

"It's not gonna happen," Hal says.

Ben just smiles at him, kind of sadly. "Okay, Hal."

"I just mean…" Hal sighs and looks up at the sky. "I already know who I can trust. I don't know why anyone would trust you but then not trust me, or still trust me after the eyeworm but not trust me because of the spikes. Matt, Dad, Maggie, Anne. It's not like they're going to change their minds. So I don't have to not trust them."

"Oh. Right," Ben feels really dumb.

Hal nudges him, accidentally brushing up against his injured arm, and Ben winces in pain. For some reason it's still tender and he cradles it to his chest.

"What's wrong?" Hal asks.

"It's nothing," Ben says, scooting away a few inches.

"Ben. Come on," Hal says.

Ben knows that Hal has more than enough on his plate without Ben saying anything, but he also knows that Hal will work himself into a state if Ben ignores him. Freaking older brothers. "I tripped."

"When?"

"Earlier."

"Can I see?"

Ben sighs and takes his jacket off, unwinding the makeshift band aid. It doesn't look much better, much to his dismay.

When Ben looks at his brother, Hal's lips are pressed together as he examines the wound. "Shouldn't it, uh, look better than this? Because you're you?"

A wave of concern for himself crashes over him, completely out of nowhere. It startles him so much he forgets to lie and he nods.

"Has this ever happened before? Your healing being slow?" Hal asks.

Ben's about to suffocate under the weight of the concern he's feeling. There's a confusing layer of guilt, too, that only gets worse as he shakes his head.

"So it's because you gave your spikes to me?" Hal asks, sounding small.

Ben looks over and tries to smile reassuringly. "We don't know that. We don't know anything for sure."

"It seems pretty likely," Hal says. "Or else this is one hell of a coincidence."

"There's no point in speculating about it," Ben says. "We should focus on helping you get control."

Hal doesn't say anything, just kind of nods vaguely. After a few minutes, he wraps an arm carefully around Ben. "Let me know when you want to go back to camp, okay?"

Ben nods. "Okay."


	7. What Lies Ahead

"Tom Mason!" Cochise calls after his retreating back. "I must speak with you!"

Tom stops and turns around. "What is it, Cochise?"

"Perhaps we should find somewhere private to speak," Cochise says.

"Is this about the moon plan? Because we're going to the moon, Cochise. We're going to the moon and then we're gonna take back Earth." There's a jaunty and confident grin spread across his face.

Cochise feels bad about what he is about to do to it.

"This is not about the moon. It is about your children."

It is remarkable the effect that has his demeanor. Tom tenses and pulls him down the hall roughly, turning into a small room.

"What it is?"

"Since your eldest son received the Espheni spikes from your middle child, I have been researching in our database for any similar occurrences. There were not many cases, but there were some," Cochise says. "I have discovered some… troubling information that you should be aware of."

The lines of Tom's face deepen. "What kind of troubling information?"

"You are aware of the strain the spikes put on the bodies of the children who have them?" Cochise asks.

Tom nods wordlessly.

"In some species- not all- decreasing the amount of spikes in such a way advances the process in the donor. One species spread their spikes out among as many warriors as possible in order to increase their fighting ability, and the donors who kept a spike died in a matter of days," Cochise says slowly.

"Ben is going to die in a few days?" Tom asks. He sways and Cochise reaches out to steady him, keeping a firm grip on his elbows. "Is there anything you can do?"

Cochise has never seen a human deflate so quickly. "It is not likely to be that quick- Ben kept most of his spikes, correct?"

Tom nods.

"Then any negative effect this transfer may have had for him will most likely be lessened," Cochise explains. "But you must understand, none of this is certain. The harnessing procedure affects different species differently and there are always differences within each species."

"And what about," Tom swallows hard. For a split second, Cochise is worried he is about to choke. He does not know what to do under such circumstances. "What about Hal? He's got fewer spikes than Ben does."

"While it happens, judging from the case studies, fewer complications arise for the person who receives the spikes. Most complications arise when spikes are involuntarily taken from the donor. From our observations, the spikes are more likely to reject their new host under such circumstances," Cochise says. "As Ben Mason gave his spikes willingly, extra complications are unlikely to occur."

Tom exhales loudly and bows his head. It concerns Cochise because he can no longer see Tom's face, which means he can no longer read Tom's facial expressions. While Cochise understands human facial expressions, particularly Tom's facial expressions, his ability to read body language independent of that is negligible.

"What can we do? To find out if there are going to be complications?" Tom asks in a muffled voice.

"In the cache, there may also be some medical equipment that we can use to examine them," Cochise says.

"_May_?"

"These machines are designed for Volm bodies. They have variable effectiveness in measuring the biometrics of alien bodies," Cochise says.

"If there's even a chance, we've gotta get that cache, then. ASAP," Tom decides. "I hate to leave Ben and Hal here, but we need the material in there."

"Perhaps they could come with us? It is a low risk mission, and perhaps getting out of this camp will be beneficial," Cochise suggests. "You can bring Matt Mason as well."

"A family outing with my boys to go get a cache of alien excavating equipment and medical equipment to figure out if two thirds of them dying or not. Great," Tom says. He laughs, a bitter, empty sound.

Cochise's hands slide up to hold onto his shoulders, gripping him firmly. "You must not give up hope, Tom Mason. We will leave tomorrow and retrieve the cache. After that we can determine what happens next."

"Yeah, okay," Tom mumbles, taking a breath.

"Your offspring are strong, Tom Mason. I watched over them yesterday, and their perseverance and affection for each other is admirable," Cochise says. "You should be proud."

When he looks back up at Cochise, his eyes are a painfully clear blue. "I am. Thank you, my friend."

Cochise inclines his head. "It is my pleasure."

"Can I ask you a favor?" Tom asks.

"Always."

"Don't mention your research to anyone until we can find out for sure. I don't want to scare the kids until we know what could happen," Tom says seriously.

"Of course."

Cochise releases Tom's shoulders and turns to leave, but Tom grabs his elbow.

"Thank you," Tom says, seriously. "For doing that research. I didn't ask you to, and you didn't have to, and I-" He swallows hard. "I appreciate this. That you'd do this for my boys. I really owe you one."

"You owe me nothing, Tom Mason," Cochise assures him. "I simply took advantage of our resources, as a friend should. I knew you did not have any equivalent databases."

"Still, I appreciate it," Tom says.

Before Cochise can assure him that no thanks are necessary, Tom steps forward and wraps his arms around him. Cochise is slightly startled by this sudden sign of affection, but reacts quickly enough to hug Tom back.

He is surprised to find that Tom is shaking. While he cannot be certain, Cochise thinks this is a bad sign. Before he can think or question him, Tom has pulled back and has darted out of the room.

Cochise will keep an eye on him.


	8. The War at Home

Dad had told him that he didn't have to keep digging out the beamer since there was some Volm thing that would do it for them. That hasn't stopped anyone else from digging, though, and Matt hates being left out of things, so he keeps digging anyway.

He's still digging, even though his arms hurt, when he sees Hal and Ben walking back into camp. Matt drops the rock he's carrying and scrambles over the junk between them.

"Hal! Hal!" Matt yells, waving at him to get his attention.

Before he can jump into Hal, Ben intercepts him, scooping him up.

"Hey, Matt!" Ben says.

"Where've you guys been?" Matt asks Hal.

"We went for a walk this morning," Hal says.

Matt is about to say something, but then Ben jostles him around so he's holding him with his other arm.

"Hey!" Matt protests.

"Sorry, sorry," Ben apologizes.

Hal flashes Ben a look and suddenly it's like the two of them are having a conversation without him. It's weird. Dad and Ben have silent conversations, he and Hal have silent conversations, and sometimes even Dad and Hal do it. But not Ben and Hal.

"Are you guys okay?" Matt asks.

They look at each other again.

"Yeah, the spikes have healed me up," Hal says, bouncing up and down, "so I'm good as new."

"Cool!" Matt exclaims. He had been worried that something was going to go wrong with the spikes- he remembers how upset Ben used to get- but Hal seems okay now. Ben had also seemed okay at first, too, though, and then he had to leave. Matt doesn't want to think about it, especially it happening to Hal.

Ben groans and sets him down, and Matt immediately wraps his arms around Hal, happy that he no longer has to worry about hurting him. He expects to get scooped up or at least a hug, but Hal just pats the top of his head.

"What have you been up to, buddy?" Hal asks.

"Digging out the beamer so that we can go to the moon," Matt says.

"What?" Ben asks.

"There's a beamer. Dad's probably gonna take it to the moon to blow some stuff up. It's where all the power comes from," Matt explains.

He doesn't know for sure that Dad is going, but Dad always goes on the scary dangerous missions. Or else Ben and Hal. This time, he wants to go, too. He really likes blowing stuff up and who doesn't want to go to the moon?

Maybe Matt will ask Ben to talk to Dad for him. Ben always treats him as more grownup than Hal or Dad do.

"Dad can't go to the moon!" Ben protests.

Hal looks at Ben, and Matt feels left out of whatever is happening between them.

"I'm going to go back to digging the beamer out," Matt says flatly.

"Maybe you should take a break," Hal says.

"Nah, I'm fine," Matt says.

He goes back to where he had been digging, Hal and Ben following him. They work together in silence, Hal moving large chunks of junk easily and Ben moving larger chunks of junk not easily. Matt mostly tries to ignore them and concentrate on not looking tired. He doesn't want his brothers to think he's weak.

"Okay, you two are taking a water break," Hal says eventually.

"I'm fine, Hal," Ben says through gritted teeth.

"Me too!" Matt says, looking up at Hal, who is standing up at the top of the junk pile.

Hal wipes his brow and looks down at both of them. He's covered in dirt and dust, like the rest of them. "Water. Both of you."

"Fine," Ben says grumpily.

Matt doesn't follow them at first, but Hal jogs back and scoops him up, so he doesn't have a choice. He doesn't mind, though. It's better than Hal leaving him behind.

They sit in the shade and Hal brings over a canteen. He tosses it to Matt, who catches and reluctantly drinks some. The water is soothing on his dry throat, and once he starts, he guzzles most of it before handing it to Ben.

Ben takes a few sips and then raises an eyebrow. "Thirsty much?"

Matt just shrugs.

"I'll go get some more water," Ben says, getting up and walking slowly away.

When Matt turns to Hal, he's staring after him. Matt tugs at Hal's pant leg.

"Where did you guys go this morning?"

"Uh, out to the woods," Hal says, clearly distracted.

Matt wants to ask what they were doing, but Hal obviously doesn't want to talk to him. Bored and annoyed that Hal dragged him away from his important digging, he scuffs his shoe against the ground.

It's taking Ben forever just to get some water, and Matt is about to ask Hal to let him go back to work, when Hal pops to his feet.

"I'll, uh, be right back," Hal says. "Stay here."

Fat chance.

It's even easier to follow Hal when Hal is ignoring him, so he just waits a sec and then follows after him. He follows him inside, staying just far enough away that Hal won't notice (hopefully). Hal ducks into a room and Matt waits outside the door, trying hard to listen.

"You wanna what?" Hal's voice asks.

"We're going to go get a cache of Volm tools, and I figured we could all go," Dad says. "We could all probably stand to get out of here for a while."

"All of us? Matt too?" Hal asks.

"Yeah! Cochise promises that it'll be a low risk mission, and you know how much he wants to go on missions," Dad says.

"He wants to carry heavy guns and blow stuff up, too! Are you just gonna let him do that, too?" Hal sounds angry.

"You know that I'm not going to, Hal," Dad says. "I don't want that for him. I've said it a million times before."

"Uh-huh," Hal doesn't sound convinced.

Matt sighs. One day they'll treat him like an adult. He really wants that day to come soon.

"He'll be fine," Ben says, almost yelling. "If Cochise says it's low risk, it's low risk. It's not going to be much safer here. The three of us, Cochise, maybe Maggie or Deni. It'll be safe."

Hal mumbles something that Matt can't hear, and suddenly there's a lot of scuffling and grunting.

"Ben! Hal! Stop it!" Dad yells.

Matt can't hide there any longer, and he peers in the door to see Ben and Hal rolling around the ground. He can't tell who's winning, but he doesn't care. He just wants them to stop. They're not supposed to fight like _this_.

"What are you doing?" Matt yells, hating how his voice sounds high and squeaky.

Everyone freezes, Ben's arm cocked to punch Hal. He drops it, looking sick to his stomach as Hal pushes Ben off of him.

Ben gets up and holds a hand down to Hal. Matt is worried that Hal is going to ignore him or maybe punch him, but he grabs Ben's hand and gets to his feet.

They both mumble what sound like vague apologies before slipping around Matt and retreating out the door.

Dad is standing there, looking kind of in shock.

"I wanna go, even though Hal says I shouldn't," Matt says, crossing his arms defensively.

Dad just nods.

"Are they gonna be okay?" Matt asks softly.

That jerks Dad out of whatever he was thinking about. He comes over and gives Matt a hug. "They'll work things out."

"But are they gonna be _okay_?" Matt insists on an answer to his actual question.

"Yeah, of course they are," Dad says.

It doesn't sound very convincing, and Matt is kind of offended that Dad would think that would make him feel any better. He's tired of people lying to him. It only makes him more scared. Not that he'd ever admit it.


	9. Love in All its Forms

They stare at each other, both their heartbeats pounding painfully in Hal's ears. He can't tell if he wants to leap at Ben to punch him or to hug him or to cry on him. His emotions are roaring through him viciously and it's making him shake.

There's pain in his back where he landed after Ben charged him, and his knuckles are bruised from where they collided with some part of his younger brother. He's also got the beginnings of a wicked headache- Ben had slammed him into the ground hard. What's happening physically is really the least alarming thing, for him.

Ben's holding himself gingerly, and Hal vaguely remembers putting his knee into his stomach, which, yeah, would explain it. He's also holding the arm he hurt earlier, and Hal hopes he didn't hurt him too badly.

Hal is hoping that Ben will start talking first, because he doesn't know what to say. Even though Ben hit him first, he still feels like he should be the one to apologize. Actually, replaying what happened in his head, he decides he definitely needs to apologize.

"Ben, I'm-" Hal starts.

"Don't," Ben says, staring at the ground. "If you're going to say something else like that, just don't."

"I wasn't. I was gonna apologize," Hal says. "It wasn't right for me to say you don't care about Matt enough. I know you do. I just felt so angry."

"I should probably apologize for attacking you. For all the times I've attacked you in the past couple years, actually," Ben says with a shaky laugh.

"Maybe," Hal says. "Although if it helps, this time I was probably going to tackle you anyway. You just beat me to the punch."

The pun makes him snort, and then Ben giggles, and then Hal starts laughing, and before Hal knows it, they're both on the floor laughing hysterically. It's painful because his back still hurts and his head is pounding and Ben's laugh is piercing and Hal is laughing so hard he can barely breathe, but it's possibly the best thing that's happened since this whole dumb thing began.

"I'm sorry," Ben says once they can breathe again.

"It's okay," Hal says.

They're staring up at the ceiling, both stretched out on the floor. It's uncomfortable for Hal, so he can only imagine how uncomfortable it is for Ben, but it feels right. Maybe because it's better than facing each other.

"No, I mean," Ben takes a big breath. "The spikes, they make emotions feel more intense sometimes, especially at first, when they don't know you yet."

"When they don't know me yet?" Hal asks in disbelief. "What, like they're alive?"

"Well, yeah. They are," Ben says nonchalantly. "They're alien organisms that combine with your human parts. That want to control you. That pretty much sums it up."

Hal rocks his head so he can study Ben. "And you didn't think to tell me this? That they're alive and pumping me full of weird emotions?"

"I forgot, okay?" Ben says, sounding distant as he stares at the ceiling. "It's pretty normal for me at this point. I forget that people would find that concerning. It's like when I'd forget to tell people I had an inhaler because I was so used to needing one, except I don't have to think about it."

Hal finds that very concerning- way more concerning than an inhaler, and it makes him regret letting Ben put the spikes in him a little. But it's better than being dead, right? He goes back to staring at the ceiling.

"What do they want?"

"Control. _Intensity_. Sometimes they'll make you feel so happy, you'll be ecstatic over the dumbest thing. Or so devastated that you think you'll never be anything else again," Ben pauses and then his tone turns bitter. "So stupidly in love that you want to scoop someone up and tell them how you feel, even though you know you can't ever do that. It never gets any easier, no matter how times it happens, and, well, when they're with someone else or they leave or-" He swallows roughly. "It feels like suffocating. Or it can feel like you've died, too."

Hal wants to ask who these people are that his brother has fallen in love with, but he can't. The world is too heavy on his chest and it's all he can do to keep breathing. He realizes that he's about to start crying if he doesn't get ahold of himself.

"I can feel it," he manages to say. "You started thinking about it and then I could feel it. God, Ben."

Hal screws his eyes shut, trying to block everything out. He can't see what Ben is doing, but he can hear him inching closer.

"You can feel it?" Ben asks softly.

Hal nods. "It's hard to breathe. It feels like… what's the point? Of anything?"

"Are you sure that it's not because of something else?"

"It started right as you started talking about it. This would be one hell of a coincidence."

"Okay…" Ben sounds like he's thinking, so Hal keeps laying there. "Stay there."

The last thing Hal feels like doing is moving, so he's more than okay with that. The pain from the fight is mostly gone, so he's just left with this weird emotional crap, with hurting over losing people he never loved. Ben gets up and starts pacing around the room. The sounds of his footsteps start to get blurred in the sounds of everything else, and Hal lets his focus slip.

The weight of the sadness starts to lift off of him, and, okay, maybe one day he will be happy again. He goes from maybe happy to absolutely ecstatic before he knows it, and when he opens his eyes, he's grinning wildly into Ben's face.

"Ben!" he says before he can think anything. "Wait a minute…" Hal sits up, frowning despite how happy he is. "Why am I so happy? What happened?"

"I started thinking about something happier. I think we can feel each other's emotions," Ben says, sitting in front of him.

"What?!"

"I don't know!" Ben says. "This doesn't happen usually."

"Usually?"

"Well, when we were harnessed, we all felt, well, we didn't really have our own feelings, but it was all kind of shared," Ben breaks off, frowning. "And then when Karen came back, it was kind of like that, but subtler. She wasn't like us, though. She was still under Espheni control."

None of that sounds appealing. Absolutely none of it.

"Maybe it's not like any of that? I mean, you said our spikes are alive and aware, right?" When Ben nods, Hal continues. "Maybe they're, like, in tune. They were all in you, and they got used to each other, and now they're still talking to each other even though they're apart."

"I guess?" Ben says, rubbing his temples.

"It would explain how I knew how to find you in the woods. Or, well, those couple other times too," Hal says.

"So, upside, we have very limited GPS capabilities," Ben says, smiling just a little.

"Guess so," Hal says. God, it would be handy to be able to GPS Matt. Not like this, though.

"I can never get away from my big brother now," Ben says, nudging him gently so he knows he's joking. "Every little bro's worst nightmare."

"It'll make being an overbearing big brother so much easier," Hal says, smiling at him.

"I'm sorry," Ben says after a while. "I didn't realize any of this would happen."

"Shut up, dummy," Hal says. "Without you, I'd be dead."

Ben looks at him with scared eyes, and Hal is painfully reminded that Ben is two whole years younger than him. He's always aware that he's the oldest of the three of them, of course, but sometimes Ben acts so old that it seems less important. Right now, though, he almost looks as young as Matt.

"What do we do now?" Ben asks tentatively.

"We'll figure it out," Hal says easily. Of course, he doesn't think it's actually gonna be that easy, but he's got to convince Ben that they're gonna be okay. It's his job as big brother. "We work on staying calm. When it gets to be too much, we let each other know, so our anger or whatever doesn't feed on each other's."

"That sounds like a good plan," Ben says, nodding.

Hal can tell that he isn't totally convinced, but it's a start.

"Do you think that we'd be able to control each other? Like Espheni do to us?" Ben asks in a small voice.

Hal doesn't know when he became the expert in this. He's never been taken over by an Espheni yet (it's only day 1, after all), but he doesn't want to brush Ben off- he's curled on himself and looks terrified at the prospect. "Uh, we can try?"

"Okay, you go first," Ben says.

Hal has no idea what to do, but he nods anyway because this is clearly important to Ben. He thinks really hard about Ben standing up. It lasts about a minute, before a smile breaks out on Ben's face.

"I didn't feel it," he says, breathing heavy.

"That's great, Ben!" Hal says. He doesn't know much, but he knows that's good.

Then Ben is fixing him with a super intense gaze of his own. Hal doesn't feel any different. He's just sitting on the floor, watching his brother watch him. It'd be kind of funny if it wasn't so serious.

"Anything?" Ben asks.

"Nope," Hal says honestly.

"Then we don't have to worry about that, at least," Ben says, visibly relaxing a little.

Hal's glad too. The last thing he'd want is for Ben to have direct control of him like he's seen the Espheni have over Ben. It'd probably make him a nerd.


	10. Awkward Family Road Trip, Mason Style

For some reason, Dad's been giving him The Look again. It's the same way that he used to look at him whenever he had a bad asthma attack. Like Dad is terrified that he's about to die or something.

Back then, Ben hadn't minded. After all, he had been pretty scared too, especially at first. Plus, he had almost enjoyed it when Dad worried over him. It had meant that Dad spent an extra half hour reading to him at night, or gave him an extra hug, or that he grabbed Ben's favorite flavor ice cream on the way home from work.

Now, though, he's bristling under Dad's concern. He just wants Dad to look at him normally. Then again, Dad hasn't really done that in years, so it's a pipe dream anyway.

"Are you two okay?" Dad murmurs to him as they get ready to go to find the Volm cache.

"Yeah, we're good. No more punching each other. Probably," Ben says. Honesty is the best policy, and it's always possible that he's going to want to punch Hal again.

"Good," Dad says, clasping his arm. "You know, if you need to talk or anything-"

"It's fine, Dad," Ben interrupts, mostly to try to hide how much that arm still hurts.

"What's wrong with your arm?" Dad asks.

"I hurt it, but it's fine."

"Hurt it how?"

"I tripped yesterday, and then, well, you were there when I tackled Hal. I must have hurt it a little more," Ben says, trying to make it sound as alright as possible.

"Shouldn't it be healed by now?" Dad is giving him The Look again, sharper than ever.

"We've gotta go," Ben says, grabbing his pack. He smiles reassuringly at Dad. "And don't worry about it."

"You're my son, Ben. I'm always worried about you," Dad says, gingerly touching his shoulder.

"I'm alright, though, Dad," Ben says. "Really."

Before Dad can say anything else, Ben turns away. He sees Hal and is about to go over to say something, but then Maggie appears next to Hal and kisses him on the cheek before hugging him tightly.

Ben feels the ugly face of jealousy and tries to clamp down on it as quickly as possible. Knowing that Hal can feel the things that he's feeling makes Ben's feelings for Maggie not only futile, but completely idiotic. Things are complicated enough without Hal getting pissed at him for his dumb pointless feelings.

Hal must feel something, though, because he looks up at makes eye contact with Ben. Trying not to feel suspicious, he waves at Hal.

Luckily, Hal doesn't seem to think anything is wrong and he just waves back.

When they finally get going, Ben has to try to avoid Hal and Maggie, plus his dad. Dad is upfront with Cochise, chatting about something or another. He keeps throwing Ben The Look over his shoulder, but Ben is aggressively ignoring it, so it's okay.

In his aggressive attempts to ignore almost his entire family- which he's gotten pretty good at- he realizes that Matt doesn't look as happy as Ben figured he would, considering he's always itching to go out on missions. He's kind of lagging behind and dragging his feet on the ground.

"What's with the long face?" Ben asks, coming up and nudging Matt gently.

"Nothing," Matt mumbles, not looking at him.

"Uh-huh," Ben says. "Is it that Dad won't let you have a gun?"

"That does kinda suck," Matt says.

"Hey! At least you're on the mission," Ben points out. "Baby steps."

"I'm not a baby!" Matt says, bristling.

"You know what I meant," Ben says. He leans down so only Matt can hear him. Or, well, Hal probably could, but he's giggling with Maggie, so hopefully he's not paying any attention. "When we get back, we can sneak out into the woods, okay?"

"With guns?" Matt looks up excitedly.

"Yeah!" Ben says. "Shh, though, okay?"

Matt bites his lip and then looks over at where Hal and Maggie are giggling. He frowns before looking back up at Ben and nodding. "Okay. That sounds like fun."

"Cool, I can't wait," Ben says.

"Me either!" Matt says. "You're not a total nerd."

Ben squints at him. He's not quite sure how to reply to that. 'Am too' doesn't seem like the right response. "Thanks?"

Matt nods approvingly at Ben and keeps marching on, with a little more of a spring in his step. He still seems more down than Ben would have expected. It's not like Matt will open up to him, though- he's already made that clear. Ben makes a mental note to ask Hal about it when he gets the chance. If anyone would know, it's Hal.

It's a pretty peaceful walk, until Ben catches a whiff of something foul. He coughs hard. "What's that smell?"

Everyone looks at him in confusion, except Cochise, who just looks at him.

"There are pockets of toxic waste nearby, full of chlorine. Matthew, please open your bag," Cochise says.

Matt does and pulls out gasmasks. He starts handing them out.

"You will need to wear these so we can get to the Volm cache."

"Are you my mummy?" Ben quips, holding the mask up to his face.

He just gets more confused looks, except from Dad, who laughs a little. He's pretty sure he hears Hal mutter "_nerd_." Tough crowd.

"No, Benjamin, I am not your mother," Cochise says. Matt tries to hand him a gasmask, but he holds up a hand. "Volm can breathe chlorine. It is why we hid our cache here. Humans were unlikely to come across it on accident and we could access it easily."

They put their gasmasks on and then keep walking. The gasmask is kind of uncomfortable, but it's better than breathing in chlorine.

"The cache is buried four feet below this cistern," Cochise says, resting his hand on it.

"We're not gonna have to dig again, are we?" Matt asks.

"Do not worry, I have-"

"Mira!" Matt interrupts, running to someone lying on the ground.

"Matt," she says, coughing hard.

"Come on! Someone help!" Matt says, pulling at his gasmask. "She can't breathe!"

Ben jogs over and scoops her up, wincing, while Hal bats Matt's hands away from his mask. Good, the last thing they need is for Matt to decide to try to breathe chlorine.

They walk outside the toxic field, taking their masks off once they get clear. He sets the coughing girl in his arms down gently and Matt hastily knocks him to the side.

"Mira, are you okay?" Matt says.

"I escaped," Mira says, smiling. "I did it, like you did."

"Matt told us a lot about you," Hal says. "That you guys really looked out for each other while you were in that camp."

Mira nods emphatically. "I would be like all the other kids in the camp, except Matt helped."

"How did you get out of there?" Dad asks.

"They locked me up, by myself for a while. And they'd come in and they'd yell and they'd scream and they'd-" Mira cuts herself off, clearly troubled, and Ben feels a rush of sympathy for her. He knows how cruel the Espheni can be. "But one day, they didn't lock the door quite right, so I snuck out at night, and then I ran and I ran."

"That's some luck," Dad says.

"I kept looking for someone who would take me with them, but when I saw Matt, I couldn't believe it," Mira says. She smiles widely up at Matt. "I thought it was a trick, but it's really you."

Matt nods emphatically. "It's me. And you're gonna be okay now, I promise."

"So you just happened to find yourself here? Near a cache of Volm goods?" Dad asks.

"Dad!" Matt says, looking up at him harshly. "She's my friend!"

"I know, and I really hope she escaped free and clear, but I've got to look out for everyone's safety and make sure we finish this mission. It's too important to risk," Dad says. For some reason he looks at Ben again.

"You can't just leave her here!"

"We're not going to leave her here," Dad says. "We're just going to let her rest while we get the supplies we came for."

"It's okay, Matt, I get it," Mira says.

"Maggie, will you check to make sure she doesn't have anything on her? And then you can secure her," Dad says.

"Sure thing," Maggie says, kneeling next to her. "Hey, Mira, I'm Maggie. I'm Matt's friend too. I'm just going to make sure the Espheni didn't put any tracking devices on you. Is that okay?"

Mira looks distrustful, but Matt nods encouragingly at her and she nods too. Maggie pats her down awkwardly and even looks in her shoes, but she shakes her head at Dad. Nothing. She takes a rope and ties Mira up carefully.

"Okay, Ben? You stay here with Matt and Mira. Stay on your guard. Let us know if you hear anything coming," Dad says.

Dad is giving him The Look again and Ben wants to shake him to find out what the hell he's keeping from him, but Ben just nods in agreement.

"Okay, Dad," Ben says, nodding.

Dad clasps his shoulder and Hal gives him a shrug and a wave before they head back to the cache. He sighs as he watches them go.

Matt and Mira start chatting and Ben tries not to eavesdrop too much, but he still keeps an eye on Mira, just in case she tries something. There's something wrong here, and Ben can't put his finger on it.


	11. Exit Wounds

Hal waits around anxiously while Cochise does whatever it is he has to do to get down to the Volm cache. He can feel Ben's anxiety through their, well, whatever it is that they share and it's only amplifying his own. There's something wrong, but they need the equipment to get the beamer out of the ground too much to just abandon it based on random feelings.

Speaking of random feelings, he's been getting other weird vibes from Ben. He doesn't know where all of the random surges of jealousy keep coming from, but he's debating whether or not he wants to find out. Communication is probably important, right?

Hal wishes Mom was here to give them advice. Not that Dad isn't great, but Mom always had advice that made sense to him. He can't even guess at what Mom would say, as this is pretty unprecedented.

"What's eating ya?" Maggie asks, nudging him.

Hal starts, looking up at her with a wan smile. "Just thinking."

"About what? Your fight with Ben yesterday?"

Hal really hopes Dad or Matt told her about that, and she didn't hear it from some kind of gossip. He hates it when his family is gossip. "Kinda."

"I hope you guys work things out. He had a tough time when we were stuck in Chinatown, and I worry about him. Both of you," Maggie amends.

"Glad you worry about me too," Hal says, smirking at her, and suddenly, he's hit with what Ben had said about being in love. Because, wow, he's looking at Maggie and he can't stop thinking about how lucky he is that Pope took them hostage that day. She's one of the best things that ever happened to him, hands down. God, Maggie is so good with her gun, so good with his family, so-

"Hal?" Maggie waves a hand in front of his face, laughing a little at him as she furrows his brow. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Sorry," Hal says, grinning and looking down so he stops getting wrapped up in how beautiful she is, even through the gasmask. "But yeah, me and Ben sorted things out. There are still a lot of questions, though."

Maggie touches his shoulder and wow, is that electrifying. "I can only imagine. But if you need anything, I wanna help you guys."

"Thanks, Maggie," Hal says, smiling at up at her. "I'm sure Ben appreciates it too."

Ben… There's something weird coming along their bond and he doesn't hear what Maggie says next. He tries to figure out what it means. It's anxiety, but it's firmer, somehow. He looks in the general direction of where Matt, Ben, and Mira are and frowns.

"Hey Dad," Hal says, walking over to him. "I'm going to go check on them for a second, okay?"

"Be quick. We're going to have a lot to carry in a sec," Dad says.

Hal nods and jogs back to where they left the three of them. He's vaguely aware of Maggie following behind him.

When he reaches the three of them, he notices a couple things all at once. Both Matt and Mira are wearing gasmasks- Ben isn't because Mira has his. What he is doing is standing just a step behind both of them, his gun raised like he's about to go into battle.

"What are you doing?" Maggie asks.

"I think there's something going on, but I can't," Ben's voice is distant and he shakes his head.

Hal gets it. It's hard for them to trust their instincts when everything is suddenly different like this. When every part of their persons suddenly feel like different persons.

"They're coming," Ben whispers, and then he yells, "They're coming! Lots of them."

"Dammit," Maggie says.

"I don't want to get back there," Mira says, shaking her head hard. "Please don't let them take me."

"We won't," Matt assures her.

"I'll help you get Matt and Mira back to Dad and Cochise, and then we can come back," Hal tells Maggie.

"We've still got a few minutes before they get here," Ben says. He looks up at Hal. "You'll be able to feel them soon. It'll be weird, but it's okay."

"Thanks Ben," Hal mutters before helping Mira to her feet.

They run back to the cache, and when Hal looks over he sees that Matt is clinging to Maggie's hand for dear life.

"Ben says they're coming," Hal says once they reach Dad and Cochise. "Ben says lots."

"Dammit," Dad says, looking over at Cochise desperately.

"In order to retrieve _all_ of the critical supplies, I require more time and your help, Tom Mason," Cochise says.

"Me and Maggie are going to go help Ben," Hal says.

"Be careful," Dad says.

Hal squats down next to Matt. "You keep safe, okay? Listen to Dad and Cochise."

"Yeah, yeah," Matt says, not really looking at him.

Hal presses his lips together, but they have to get back to Ben- he's starting to feel the skitters, too. When they reach him, he's kneeling behind some cover. His fingers are drumming against the side of his gun, aiming it into the distance.

"Dad's helping Cochise with some of the supplies," Hal says, kneeling next to him.

"Did Cochise say how long they're going to need?"

"All he said was 'some time,'" Maggie says from Hal's other side.

"Great," Ben says, shifting uncomfortably. "Hope he just means a few minutes."

The Espheni hit hard, coming at them with mechs and plenty of skitters. The three of them start shooting back, and Hal feels a peculiar feeling in his chest. Like every once in a while something is gone from inside of him.

There's no time for dwelling, though. Just a whole lot of shooting.

"Do you think they're done, yet?" Ben yells. It's weird. Hal had anticipated that the first time they went into battle like this, he'd be able to feel Ben's fear or something- he had worried it would only heighten his own- but the only emotions he's getting are cold hatred and frustration.

"I'll go check," Maggie says, barely audible over the sound of explosions and gunfire.

Hal's not happy about it- it's a dangerous errand, but nods anyway. Maggie gets up, darting back to the cache.

The Espheni take that exact moment to redouble their attack, pressing closer than ever. There's a surge of alarm coming down his bond with Ben. It's almost relieving to feel some emotion from his brother that he expected.

"Hal, go, I'll hold them off," Ben yells.

"Are you kidding?" Hal yells back. "There's too many. We'll retreat together."

"Not enough cover for two," Ben says. "Dad and them will need the backup."

"I'm not leaving you, dummy," Hal says. "You go."

"Hal!" Ben yells. "Go, please. You have to go!"

Suddenly, Hal's getting to his feet, stumbling back to the cache. There's a prickling feeling in the back of his neck. He wants to go back to Ben, to drag him along with him or to make him go instead, but he can't. He can barely even breathe. All he can do is keep going forward.

It's almost eerily peaceful at the cistern, gunfire and explosions distant. Everyone turns to look at him.

"Where's Ben?" Maggie asks. "I was just about to come back, just a little more time."

"I don't-" Hal is stuttering, trying to figure out what happened. He can't make his mouth work right.

"Is he dead?" Dad asks, voice cracking.

Hal shakes his head.

"Is he right behind you?"

Hal shakes his head again.

"Wait, did you leave him behind?" Dad asks. His brow is furrowed and he looks appalled at himself for asking the question.

Hal feels like he's about to vomit or sob or something as he nods his head.

"You left him behind?!" Dad crosses the space between them and for the first time in his life, Hal's actually afraid of him.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what happened," Hal pleads.

Something shuts down on his Dad's face and he unslings the pack from his back before shoving it roughly into Hal's arms. "Help Cochise."

Hal doesn't bother asking where he's going, just goes to Cochise's side, trying to ignore the feeling of everyone's eyes on him. He can't even blame them; he doesn't even want to look at Matt.

"What do you need, Cochise?" Hal mumbles.

"Hold this and point it at the cistern," Cochise says stiffly. He hands him what appears to be a blowtorch. "Do not waver."

"I won't," Hal says quietly, even though all he does is feel like one big waver at this point.

Hal can hear everyone shuffling behind him, getting ready to go, and the fight even farther behind him, but he focuses all of his attention on trying to find two sounds in the middle of it all. He can sense that Ben is still alive, possibly even unhurt, and he assumes that Dad is, too. Hal may not understand all of his brother's emotions but he knows there would be an emotional reaction to something happening to Dad.

It feels like an eternity, standing next to Cochise with a Volm-like blowtorch thing in his hands, waiting to see just how badly he messed up.

But then he can feel Ben getting closer, and Hal might be able to breathe again. "I can feel Ben coming," he says, still feeling kind of numb.

"I'll take this," Maggie says, taking the Volm machinery from him. The disappointment directed at him is palpable, but Hal looks at her thankfully anyway.

It's a good thing that Maggie has taken the thing from him, because suddenly he feels pain rip through his abdomen. He sprints towards where this feeling is coming from, resisting the urge to yell, just in case they're being stealthy.

Hal almost runs into them, but he hears them staggering just before that happens. He ends up catching the body of his younger brother.

"They got him. We were retreating and they managed to hit him with some shrapnel. It's still in his side, so he won't bleed out," Dad sounds haunted.

"Let me take him," Hal says shakily. It's his fault. "I can carry him, run with him if they chase us."

"Fine," Dad says, helping Hal scoop him up.

They're silent, but Hal can feel Dad's scorn just radiating off of him. When the reach the rest of the group, Matt and Maggie both run up to him.

"Is he dead?" Matt asks.

"No," Hal says firmly. "He's not."

"We have to get moving," Dad says. "We don't have much time."

"I have only most of the required supplies, Tom Mason," Cochise says. "Not everything."

"It's going to have to be enough," Dad says and there's a note of despair in his voice. "It's going to have to be enough."

Two minutes later, they're traipsing through the woods again, Ben in Hal's arms while he tries to keep it together. The bond between him and Ben feels as strong and scary as ever, and Hal prays to anything that may be listening that that's a good sign.


	12. Day Will Come

Ben is floating. There's something supporting him and something stabbing him in the side, but he's still floating. Even though he wants to be calm, wants to be peaceful, there's this weird undercurrent of fear, self-loathing, and shame that won't let him rest.

Hal. It has to be coming from Hal.

He realizes that Hal is also the one carrying him. It's super weird because it makes his spikes almost _happy_. Content is maybe the better word. They miss the spikes that are in Hal.

Thinking of Hal reminds him of what he did to Hal, what he became, even for a second, and he feels his own rush of self-loathing. As easy as it would be to slip away into unconsciousness right now, he can't let himself do that. He has to apologize to Hal. While he's used to his healing abilities taking care pains in his side, it's been so off since he gave Hal some of his spikes that he's not sure that he'll wake up again.

Opening his eyes is too much work, so he doesn't bother, but he can talk. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he murmurs over and over.

Hal is talking urgently, and Dad's voice is mixed in too. They're saying something, and Ben is sure it's important; they both say such important things. He can't get his brain to work well enough to process it though.

There's a gentle hand over his mouth- Dad, judging by the fiber of the gloves- and Ben takes that as a sign that he can be unconscious now.

The next time Ben is conscious, he's on a hard bed. There are too many blankets on top of him, which is kind of sweet considering blankets must be in short supply, but man, he's never liked sleeping under lots of blankets. He shrugs them down a little more.

There's someone in his room, but it isn't Hal. Hal's nowhere nearby, but he's still got the same terrible emotions as earlier. Ben hopes the person is Dad, but he can't be sure. It's a debate- does he really want to risk it being Maggie or Matt or anyone who isn't Dad?

Then the person pulls his blankets back up and he knows it's Dad. There's something tender and fatherly there. Plus Dad has been aggressively covering him with blankets since he was a little kid.

Ben opens his eyes. "I'm sorry, Dad. I'm so sorry."

"_You_ don't have anything to be sorry for," Dad says. "How are you feeling?"

"I think the spikes are doing their thing again. I feel pretty good." Ben says. He reaches down to feel the spot where the shrapnel had been. "Still sore and feeling kind of weak, but okay."

"Good. They took the shrapnel out, and I was kind of worried. You know, James Garfield probably would have survived his assassination if the doctor had just left the bullet in him," Tom says. "Keeping bullets in your patients was pretty standard at the time, but his doctor was determined to give him the best of care, which was not that great. It ended up being a very gruesome and prolonged death."

Ben snorts and nods. He's heard this many times before. "Yeah, but Anne knows about germ theory and sanitation. I'm guessing she at least washed her hands. I'll probably be okay." He squeezes Dad's arm.

"I was really worried, after your arm," Dad says.

"That's feeling better, too," Ben says. He looks up into his dad's face and bites his lip. The respect of his dad is the one of the most important things he has these days. "Look, Dad, I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? Ben, you don't have anything to be sorry for."

"I do, Dad. I know you don't understand, but I have something to be sorry for. Just promise me something, okay?"

"What is it?"

"Don't be mad at Hal. Please, don't. I made him leave. You should be mad at me," Ben says. "I'm mad at me."

"You made him leave? But he still left you behind. You might not have made it back without backup," Dad says.

Ben sits himself up, carefully. It's still tender, but he's tired of laying down. Dad helps him sit up.

"It's really complicated, Dad. Really hard. It was the spikes," Ben says, and he suddenly feels like he's about to cry. He can't believe he took control of Hal. Like an Espheni would have.

"You can talk to me if you need to," Dad says. "I'm always here for you."

Ben doesn't say anything, just scoots closer to Dad. Feeling like a little kid- and wishing his problems could be solved as easily as back then- he buries himself in his Dad's arms. Dad is always so comforting and steady, even when he doesn't have the answers. Ben squeezes tightly, burying his face in his dad's neck so he can cry in relative peace.

"It's okay, Ben," Dad murmurs softly, rocking him back and forth. "You're a good person."

That only makes Ben's chest heave harder as he shakes his head. It's not true. Dad's hand is curled into his hair, stroking gently. They sit like that for a while, rocking and crying until he can't cry anymore.

Ben sits back, wiping his face sheepishly. "Thank you, Dad."

"I love you, okay? No matter what you think you've done," Dad says. He presses his lips to Ben's forehead.

There's an awkward cough at the door, and Ben looks up to see Hal. He looks as terrible as Ben feels.

"Dad, can we have a minute?" Ben asks.

He doesn't want to be alone with Hal, but he knows he has to be. Sure, he doesn't always get along with him, but Hal has always deserved his respect.

"Call if you need anything," Dad says, squeezing his shoulder as he gets up.

Hal sits near his bedside, opposite side from where Dad has been.

"I'm sorry," Ben says before Hal can say anything. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do it. I know you don't have to forgive me- and you probably don't want to- but please don't think that I did it on purpose."

"You're apologizing?" Hal asks. "I'm the one who left you behind."

"It was…" Ben says. "It was the spikes."

"I know. I felt them. This prickling at the back of my neck. I couldn't breathe," Hal says.

"You knew? Then you know that you didn't leave me behind," Ben says. "You know it was all my fault."

"You didn't see Dad's face when I came back without you," Hal says. "I don't think he'll ever forgive me."

"He will. We can make him understand it was me," Ben says. "Dad's a smart guy, and he loves us both."

Hal doesn't look at ease and they sit in silence.

"Why aren't you mad at me?" Ben asks in a small voice. He feels small. He feels terrified and he thinks that Hal should be screaming at him right now. "I was like a skitter or an overlord. I was always scared I'd become one of them, and now I am."

"No!" Hal yells, touching his arm. "You're not one of them. You're my brother. I don't like that you did whatever and made me leave you, but you said you did it on accident, to save my life. They do these things on purpose to hurt other people."

"It doesn't matter why. All that matters is what I did," Ben says, doing his best to keep his breathing even. He had try to puzzle it out, time and time again. Why the Espheni had done the things they had done. Especially since so many times when he had been harnessed, he had felt caring from the skitters, not hatred. All the hatred had come from himself.

"Ben, listen to me," Hal says, shaking his arm gently. "You're not like them. Something like that was bound to happen some day, right? Something taking over my body. I'd rather it be you, than them. Like, I bet it's way less pleasant when they do it, so, yeah, it wasn't great, but it's not the end of the world."

Ben realizes his fists are clenched and he tries to relax them. "I'm still sorry."

"Hey, I'm not saying you shouldn't be. Even though you didn't mean to do it, it still sucked. But don't you dare compare yourself to one of them," Hal says and Ben can feel the anger.

"Okay," Ben says, trying to believe it.

Hal looks at him, and they both know he's not convinced. These things take time, though.

"I've got a question for you," Hal says.

"Okay," Ben says.

"You know how you said I'd be able to feel the skitters?" Hal says. "Well, I could. But then once the fighting started I felt something else too."

"Them dying," Ben says. "It's like something disappearing, a hollowing."

"Yeah, that," Hal says.

Ben waits for Hal to say something, for whatever question he has, but Hal doesn't say anything. "What about it?"

Hal looks distant, but he snaps out of it. "I was just… wondering what the feeling was."

"It's an okay thing- it won't hurt you," Ben says. He even likes it, kind of. It lets him know that his bullets are going where he was supposed to. The feeling of one more of those bastards dead. "The only thing that actually hurts is if they're in your head when they die."

Hal looks almost haunted by that, and, frustratingly, Ben can't get a clear read on him through their bond. It's all confusing and a mess. His emotions are probably just as messy as well. They certainly feel messy to him.

"Ben?" Matt's voice comes from the door. He's peering in around the doorframe. "Dad said you were awake."

"Yeah! Feeling pretty good, too," Ben says, waving him over.

Matt comes to Ben's side, chewing on his lip. "Am I gonna hurt you?"

Ben shakes his head, lifting up his shirt. Where the shrapnel hit him is still red and tender, but it doesn't look that bad. "See? It's almost all better."

Matt still doesn't look convinced, but Ben tugs on him so he falls into his lap. He wraps his arms around his youngest brother, hugging him tight.

"See?" Ben says, "I'm feeling way better."

"Good," Matt says, laughing a little.

"How's Mira doing, squirt?" Hal asks.

"Cochise figured out that they didn't put any tracking stuff on her, so now Maggie is hanging out with her. I was too, but I wanted to see Ben," Matt says. "To make sure he wasn't dead. There was a lot blood yesterday."

Both Ben and Hal wince inside at that.

"I'm fine, Matt," Ben says, hugging him again.

Matt is looking distrustfully at Hal, and Ben can how much hurt that's causing Hal like a big gaping wound. Another big gaping wound.

"Maybe we should talk about yesterday," Ben says.

"There's not a lot to talk about," Matt says. "I was there and I saw everything. Hal left you."

Ben puts his hand on Hal's arm- he can feel how on the edge he is, and while Matt always respects Hal's opinions more than anyone else's, this might be an exception.

"You know how the Espheni can control me sometimes?"

Matt nods.

"I accidentally did the same thing to Hal- to get him to leave me because I wanted him to be safe. He never would have otherwise," Ben says.

"Are you sure?" Matt says.

On the one hand, Ben understands why Hal feels so hurt, but on the other hand, he really needs to concentrate on talking to Matt and not on Hal's emotional torrent.

"Matt, it's Hal. I can't even count how many times he's almost died to keep us safe- and I'm a pretty good counter. I'd still be harnessed without him." Harnessed and dead, most likely. Ben couldn't imagine that the harnessed kids lived very long these days, and while he still might die, at least he'll die as himself.

"Okay," Matt says. "I'm glad."

"Forgive me?" Hal asks. He tries to sound casual, but Ben knows better.

"I guess I don't have to. Ben said it wasn't you," Matt says.

Ben feels the relief flooding through Hal and he looks over at him with a grin.

"I'm glad, buddy," Hal says, reaching over to scoop both of them up in a big hug.

"I'm gonna go play with Mira now," Matt says once Hal has let them both go. Then he gets to his feet and walks back out the door without a second thought.

"Do you know what's been up with him?" Ben asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when we were out going to the Volm cache, he wasn't that happy- and you know how much he wants to go on missions. When I asked him about it, he snapped at me. He's just been kind of down," Ben says.

Hal furrows his brow. "I hadn't even noticed…"

"Maybe you should check up on him. He likes you best," Ben says honestly. "And I know it can be hard to balance what's happening to you with everything else-"

"Yeah, I know what an ass you were back then," Hal interrupts, teasing him.

Ben snorts and elbows him. Dumb jock brother. "I'm just saying, I was more of an ass when Dad was gone. And you would be more of an ass without Matt. I don't think I've ever seen him really doubt you before. As I'm sure you know, it's not easy being the brother of a razorback."

"Don't call yourself that," Hal says. "You're right, though. Being your brother was even more of a pain after the spikes."

"Hal," Ben says, nudging him.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Hal says. "I'll talk to him, hang out with him. I can't believe I-" He just shakes his head at himself.

"Offer to jump up onto a building with him on your back. He loves that," Ben says.

"You did what?!"


	13. Come Hell or High Water

Hal leaves Ben's bedside, deep in thought. He can't believe that he hadn't noticed changes in Matt. Moreover, he can't believe that Matt thought that he'd leave Ben behind all on his own. Just accepted that idea right away.

Now that he thinks about it, he's barely talked to Matt since he got the spikes. The first night, he had been too painfully overwhelmed and since then… barely nothing. God, he'd been having Ben run interference for him, kind of.

And they had both almost died. That's usually when they need each other most.

He doesn't know how he can make it up to Matt, but that's no excuse for not trying. Hal searches around for Matt- it's not hard for him to find people now. Everyone's voice echoes so loudly in his head that it's just a matter of pinpointing the voice he wants to find.

Matt is outside with Mira and Maggie, and Hal tries not let the way Matt ignores him as he jogs up bother him. Mira also seems to be giving him the stink eye. At least Maggie still likes him, waving him over as he approaches.

"We're about to play a game of tag," Maggie says. "Wanna join?"

"Sure!" Hal says. "Who's it?"

Mira darts forward and tags his arm. "You are!"

"Oh, that's how it's gonna be?" Hal says as everyone scatters.

Hal chases down Matt, trying not to make it too easy on himself. He knows he's fast enough to run any of them down without a second thought, but that probably wouldn't be as fun for everyone else.

All four of them chase each other around for what feels like hours before Mira sprawls backwards on the ground. "I'm tired," she proclaims.

"Hey! We can't stop while I'm it," Matt pouts.

Hal holds his hand up for a high five. "You can tag me!"

Matt looks up at him like he's being insulting- and, okay, maybe he is but Matt looks so bummed and he really wants a high five- before slapping his hand with clear reluctance. "You're it." And then he goes to sit next to Mira with his back to Hal.

Okay, pretty clearly, a game of tag isn't going to solve this problem, no matter how rocking it was. Hal hadn't expected it would be easy, but he can always hope.

"Hey, buddy, do you want to come get some water with me?" Hal says.

"I'm talking to Mira," Matt says, barely turning to look at him.

Ouch.

"I've got to talk to Mira about girl stuff anyway," Maggie interrupts, exchanging looks with Hal. "We'll catch up to you later."

"Come on, buddy," Hal says, mouthing his thanks to Maggie over the top of the kids' heads.

Matt drags his feet as Hal takes him to get some water and they sit together on a bench. There's an awkward silence stretching between them. Hal's sat through awkward silences plenty of times before, but it's different when it's with Matt. There aren't supposed to be awkward silences with Matt. Ben or Dad or Maggie, sure. It happens. But not Matt.

That something weird is coming down his connection to Ben isn't helping anything. It's been getting worse and worse. Can't Ben chill out for a few minutes? Hal works to push Ben's feelings to the side.

"What's up, Matt?" Hal asks.

"Nothing," he mutters, still not looking at him.

"Come on," Hal says, "don't lie to me, buddy."

"Isn't Ben your buddy now?" Matt says.

"What?" Hal loves Ben, loves all of his family, but Ben's never been his buddy like Matt is.

"You guys have all your spike stuff now," Matt says, shrugging.

"So?" Hal asks. "That doesn't change anything."

Matt looks up at him with the same annoyed face he uses when he knows that Hal is giving him false comfort. "You keep using him to avoid me. You don't want to talk to me." And he should sound sad or like he wants to hit Hal in the face, but he just sounds kind of blank.

"Matt…" Hal struggles to figure out how to explain it to Matt. "Sometimes, I need his help now, to figure this out. It's been really overwhelming. I'm so sorry that I've been too absorbed in this to notice that I was hurting you. I promise that I'm going to be better."

"Are you going to go away like Ben did?" Matt asks.

"No way," Hal assures him. "I'm staying right here with you guys."

Matt leans his head against Hal's arm. It's a painful weight, but Hal welcomes it anyway. "I'd be sad if you left."

"You don't have to worry about that," Hal says, wrapping his arm around his littlest brother. The texture is still enough to make him want to yell, but he clamps down on it to hold Matt close.

"What if I had spikes too?" Matt asks in a voice so soft that Hal is pretty sure that he wouldn't have been able to hear him.

Hal kneels in front of Matt and grabs him by the shoulders. "No. No. Matt, don't you ever say that."

"But then I could be just like you guys!" Matt says brightly. "We could figure it out together. And then I would have super cool powers too."

Hal shakes his head in horror. Both he, Ben, and Dad have been invaded by the Espheni on a personal, physical level, but he knows without a doubt they would all agree that one of the most important things is that Matt remains Espheni-free. It had almost happened once, and that had been more than close enough.

"Do you know how dangerous it is?" Hal's voice takes on a harder edge than he had intended, especially since he's supposed to be reconciling with Matt. "We almost lost Ben to them- a couple times. And we're still not sure what the spikes will do to us now."

Matt looks crushed; it's not a look he ever wants to put on his littlest brother's face, but it's better than him running off to try to get spikes. "I just want to-" He just shrugs unhappily. "You guys have a connection."

"Matt," Hal starts slowly. "You and me? We've got a special connection. And it's deeper than anything the Espheni could ever do."

"You're just treating me like a kid again," Matt says.

"No!" Hal says, getting up so he can hug Matt close. "It's always been like that, Matt. I love Ben, don't get me wrong, but you're my buddy. No matter what. Even though some things are different, that'll never change."

"Okay," Matt says, squeezing him back. "Good."

"If you ever feel like I'm ignoring you, you just tell me, okay?" Hal asks, pulling back to look at Matt seriously. "Kick me in the shins if you have to."

"I don't wanna kick you, but okay," Matt says, smiling at him.

Hal feels a rush of affection for Matt and gratitude that he forgave him so easily. He's gonna work to make sure he deserves it.

Matt pats the space next to him, looking serious again. "I need help about something."

Hal sits and nods. "Anything."

"Okay," Matt takes a deep breath. "How do you get girls to like you?"

Hal hangs his head. _Oh no._


	14. Angel Maintenance

When Ben leaves their makeshift infirmary, he bounces around a bit, but eventually ends up back in the random room they've been sleeping in. It's as close to a home as they've had for a while, even if it's a sucky one, and he doesn't want to accidentally run into Hal while he's going to talk to Matt.

To his surprise, Dad and Cochise are both there when he gets there and they shut up as soon as he walks through the door. He's startled to find that he hadn't picked up on their conversation.

"If I'm interrupting, I can go," Ben says, pointing out the door with his thumb.

"No, Ben, we actually need to talk to you," Dad says. It's The Look again. Maybe he's actually going to tell him what's wrong.

"Okay, shoot," Ben says, crossing his arms protectively around himself.

"I am concerned about your wellbeing, Ben Mason," Cochise says, stepping forward.

"That's sweet of you, Cochise, but why? I'm fine," Ben says firmly.

"Have you noticed any changes in your physiology since donating your spikes to your brother?" Cochise asks.

Ben shrugs vaguely. He doesn't like talking about these problems with anyone else, not even Dad.

"Ben, please. Answer Cochise," Dad says, and there's a note of pleading in his voice that Ben responds to instinctively.

He uncrosses his arms and settles with shifting uncomfortably. "I've been tired. I hurt my arm and it took longer to heal than normal, except when I got hit with the shrapnel, that seemed okay." Maybe he needs to stick to life threatening injuries only from now on. "Everything is less intense. Dull. It's okay, though. Because it saved Hal, right?"

Really, the only way that dealing with these changes is remotely okay is if they saved Hal.

"As far as I am aware, your brother's body has not rejected the implant," Cochise says.

"Good," Ben brightens up, "then there's no problem."

"Cochise looked through the Volm's records, Ben. In some cases, there are complications with the donor. Complications are actually more common in the donor," Dad says. Well, that explains The Look. "And I'm worried about you."

"What kind of complications?"

"The most pressing complication is death," Cochise starts.

"We already knew that they'd shorten my lifespan," Ben says. "I already made my choice." The fight against the Espheni needs him as a fighter, not as a useless nerd.

"Days, Ben," Dad says in a tight voice. "In some cases the transfer brings down life expectancy to days."

Ben swallows hard. That's a little different. "So, what? Are we just gonna wait and see if I croak in the next few days?"

"We obtained some medical equipment at the Volm cache," Cochise says. "We can use the equipment to better determine what effect the spikes are having on your body."

"Wait a minute," Ben looks suspiciously at Dad. "Is that why we stayed at the cache so long? For me?"

"We did need the stuff to get the beamer out of the ground," Dad says. "And when Cochise told me about what he knew, he mentioned the medical supplies, so I asked him to grab them as well."

"It took some time, and I did not find all of what would be needed to run a full physical, but it should suffice to make educated guesses about your future," Cochise says.

"You put everyone in danger to get it," Ben says. He can't believe it, but also, he can. "We could have left before they came."

"You would have done the same thing for any of us on that mission, and they would have agreed if we had had the time to explain," Tom says, resting his hand on the side of his face. It feels so light and dull. Everything is so dull.

"There was not to be any danger on the mission," Cochise chimes in. "If they had not known the location of the Volm cache, there would not have been any danger."

Ben presses his lips together. There's always the risk of danger. He pushes his cheek harder against his dad's hand.

"Okay. What do we do now?" Ben says.

"I have set up the equipment in a nearby room," Cochise says. "If you and your father would accompany me."

"Just like old times," Ben says wryly to Dad as they walk down the hall.

"What?" Dad says.

"You toting me to the doctor," Ben says. "Like back before."

"I am not a medical doctor," Cochise interjects. "Particularly not for humans."

"It's okay," Ben says, "I don't think any human doctor would know as much about the spikes anyway." And it isn't like Ben is totally human anymore anyway. He knows better than to say that in front of Dad, though.

Dad is looking sadly at him, as if he can read his mind.

The room is mostly empty, just a table, a chair, and a few scattered instruments that are so clearly Volm. It's a surprisingly clean room, considering what a mess everything else is. Ben wonders if it had been Dad, Cochise, or both.

"If you would get up on the table and remove your shirt, we can begin," Cochise says.

"Okay, Doctor Cochise," Ben says, pulling his shirt off and jumping up on the table.

"I must repeat that I am not a doctor," Cochise says, shaking his head and he examines the supplies.

"I understand, Cochise. Just tell me what you're going to do first," Ben says.

Cochise picks up a small device. "I will use this to monitor your vital signs during the course of the examination. First, I will take a scan of your vital signs now, so that I have a baseline. If your father is amenable, I will take a quick scan of him as well, to have a standard human baseline."

"Of course," Dad says. "Anything you need."

"May I begin?" Cochise asks.

Ben's lips quirk upwards. He really appreciates Cochise sometimes. "Yes, you may."

Cochise inclines his head and holds up his device. Carefully, he scans Ben and then scans Dad.

"It's like a tricorder," Ben says, smiling as Cochise sweeps it over Dad.

"Maybe we should call you Bones," Dad says.

"I like Cochise."

"We can stick with that," Dad says.

"I was not aware that you had such technology," Cochise says.

"It's from a TV show, Cochise," Ben says, kicking his legs back and forth aimlessly. "About the future. Me and Dad used to watch it together."

"I think you'd like it, Cochise," Dad says. "It was a very hopeful show."

Cochise sets the Volm tricorder next to him. "I am afraid that the next procedure is slightly more invasive."

Ben raises an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"A physical examination," Cochise says.

"Just, like, a regular physical?"

"I have asked Doctor Glass about the standard human physical, and that, coupled with a physical examination of your spikes should suffice," Cochise says.

Ben nods and Cochise begins. It's a familiar sensation- hands probing uncomfortably hard against his throat. But the hands are noticeably warmer than human hands, and they're kind of leathery, as opposed to being covered in latex.

Dad keeps giving him The Look, and Ben keeps smiling reassuringly as Cochise keeps probing his lymph nodes and then has him turn onto his back so he can press against his torso.

"Do you feel any pain?" Cochise asks. "Please inform me if I am hurting you."

"You're good," Ben assures him in a wheezy voice. It's still super uncomfortable.

"And now onto your stomach," Cochise says.

Ben does as he says, stretching out. As always, he can barely feel it when someone is touching the skin near his spikes. He can only feel the pressure of Cochise's fingers when he presses hard, not the fingers themselves.

Dad leans over him. "I think some of this looks different."

"Different how?" Cochise and Ben ask in unison.

"It looks more fully formed up there," Dad says, worriedly. "Like, the process is accelerating up here."

Cochise just makes a humming noise as he continues to examine Ben's back. Whether that's a good thing or not, Ben has no idea, but he does his best not to fidget.

"You may sit up now," Cochise says and Ben does so. He looks almost grim as he reaches over to grab another instrument. "I am afraid that the next test will be unpleasant."

Ben raises an eyebrow. "Unpleasant how?"

"Well…" Cochise shifts and Ben is worried because Cochise looks worried. "This will directly measure the activity of your spikes. Fluid output, stress-"

"And what's the downside?" Dad interrupts.

"When designing technology to examine Espheni technology, our scientists do not consider the comfort of the person we are examining. This is likely to be a very painful test," Cochise says. "I apologize."

Ben smiles wanly. "Don't worry Cochise."

"You wanna squeeze my hand?" Dad asks, holding it out.

"I'm strong enough to break your hand if I squeeze too hard, Dad. Better not," Ben says.

Dad withdraws his hand slowly, looking regretful. "I'll be right here."

"Thanks, Dad," Ben says, trying to smile reassuringly at him before looking over at Cochise. "You can start when you're ready."

"Very well," Cochise says.

"You're going to be alright," Dad says, and Ben can tell that it's more for himself than for Ben. That's okay.

"Yeah, I will."

"I am going to begin now," Cochise says.

There's a pricking on one of his spikes. It's barely noticeable, except for the fact that he never feels anything back there. There was a time where he wouldn't have considered the spikes as a part of his body, but that time is long gone. They're a part of him.

After a few moments, the prickling spreads to consume his whole spike and Ben grits his teeth together. This isn't pleasant, but it's not too bad, either.

Then the prickling hits his actual spine and it intensifies to a sharp stabbing sensation that makes his breath start to quicken. Okay, he gets why Cochise was kind of worried now. It's like being stabbed in the back, literally.

The stabbing starts to move, and it takes a few seconds before he realizes that it's circulating through his bloodstream or something. That's as far in his thought process as he gets before the pain gets too overwhelming for him to think much more.

The spikes are rebelling; Ben can feel it. They don't like having this Volm machinery at work inside of them. They don't like having a Volm touching them. They don't like that he's letting this happen to them.

He doesn't scream or yell, even as it gets worse and worse; he just clutches the table edge beneath him. His vision gets blurrier and it takes a lot of effort for him to stay as still as possible so he doesn't mess things up for Cochise.

Ben thinks he's about to fall over when Dad rests his hand on his shoulder. He looks up into his dad's loving, scared face and he draws strength from him. Maybe it's childish, but he's glad that Dad is here with him.

"Would you like to take a break?" Cochise asks.

Ben can't speak very well, so he just shakes his head. If Cochise stops, he's just going to have to do this all over again. Once is more than enough for him.

"You are doing very well," Cochise assures him. "It will not be too much longer."

That's easy enough for Cochise to say, considering he's not the one with spikes in his spines that are currently super pissed at him. But Ben just nods in acknowledgement.

When Cochise finally pulls the machinery out of his back, Ben sighs in relief; even though, his whole body is tingling at him. It's going to be okay, he assures himself. Or his spikes. Or whatever else may be listening.

"I will begin with the next spike whenever you are ready," Cochise says.

"Next spike?" Ben asks, trying not to sound like a weakling.

"To fully determine what's happening, I must examine each spike," Cochise says.

"Is that really necessary?" Dad asks. His grip on Ben's shoulder tightens. "I think he's had enough."

"It's okay, Dad," Ben says, patting his hand and sitting up straight again. "Go ahead, Cochise."

"As you wish," Cochise says.

And it continues.


	15. Silent Enemy

Tom looks down at Ben, running his fingers through his hair. His middle son is unconscious and twitching on the table. It had been a very long couple hours. Ben had passed right out afterwards.

"Please tell me you got what you needed," Tom says, tearing his eyes away from Ben to look at Cochise. "Please tell me he's gonna be okay."

"Your offspring is very strong," Cochise says. "And while I have not have time to fully analyze the results, I believe your son has more time than days."

"That's good," Tom says emptily.

"I will go and fully analyze these readings," Cochise says. "You stay here with your offspring. I will return."

"Thanks, Cochise," Tom says, looking back at Ben.

He listens to Cochise leave and then gets up on the table so he can cradle Ben's head in his lap. That's got to relieve at least some of the pressure on his spikes, right? He rests a hand on Ben's chest, trying to ignore how fast his heart is racing. Cochise had assured him that it was okay.

The twitching starts to subside, which Tom can only take as a good sign. Soon, it seems like Ben is just sleeping normally. Not that _that's_ particularly normal, since he usually barely sleeps. He's been sleeping more and more since he donated his spikes, which Tom can't decide if it's a good thing or not.

There's something just barely off about him that Tom can't put his finger on, though. It's in how he presses himself a little harder into his hand when he pats his cheek, in how he keeps blinking to refocus his eyes, in how he leans in as if he's having problems hearing.

"Dad?" Ben asks blearily.

"Ben!" Dad says. He presses his hand to Ben's cheek and forehead, instinctively checking for fever. "How are you feeling?"

"After the last few days, I'm never letting anyone near my spikes again," Ben says, eyes half closed. "They are not happy with me."

"That bad?" Tom asks. It makes him wince inside a little, whenever Ben talks about his spikes as something alive, that he's in communication with.

"I'd rather someone stick me with some more shrapnel," Ben says.

Tom laughs sadly. He's so scared for Ben, but he doesn't want to show it. "Hopefully not for a while."

"I'm gonna be okay, Dad. Promise," Ben says.

One day, he'll be the one comforting Ben again, as it should be. "I know. You should try to rest."

"I've been resting so much lately. I need to do something," Ben says, trying to get up before laying back down. "Nope, actually, just gonna stay here."

"We should wait for Cochise anyway," Tom says, running his fingers through Ben's hair. "He said he'd come back once he analyzed the data."

"Did he say when? Because it seems like it could be days," Ben says. "Which, could be a waste of his time, if I'm already dead."

Tom really wishes that Ben would be less blasé about his possible impending death. "According to Cochise's initial impression, it's not going to be days. You'll have longer than that."

Ben smiles tiredly. "That's good, at least."

They lapse into silence and Tom tries not to worry too much, an impossible task. It feels like it's taking Cochise a while to figure out what's going on, which can't be a good sign. Plus, Ben is still half asleep, which means he's slept more today than he usually does all week.

"Hey." Tom looks up and Maggie is standing in the doorway. "What's wrong with Ben?"

Before Tom can reply, Ben bolts upright. He sways a little, so Tom steadies him with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm good," Ben says. "Cochise wanted to do some tests or something. No biggie though."

"Are you okay?" Maggie asks, taking a few steps towards him.

"Yeah! Of course," Ben says. He sounds perkier than he's sounded in a while and when Tom looks over at him, he's beaming widely at Maggie. "It's better to be safe than sorry though, right?"

"Right," Maggie says, nodding. "You'll let me know when you get the results back, okay?"

"Okay," Ben says. "Thanks for the concern, Maggie."

"Of course," Maggie says, leaning over and patting his shoulder. "I really hope you're good."

Maggie turns and leaves and Ben watches her go. Tom tries not to sigh. Ben's got enough on his plate without Tom trying to prod him into talking about _girls_ and the like. And Ben isn't stupid or mean enough to actually pursue his brother's girlfriend. Tom hopes.

It's only a few more minutes when Cochise returns. He's fiddling with a datapad in a nervous way that doesn't suit him. "I have analyzed and reanalyzed the data I gathered."

"And?" Ben asks.

"It is a confusing and somewhat contradictory report," Cochsie says. "I am not sure what to make of it."

"Break it down for us, Cochise," Ben says, kicking his legs a little.

"Your remaining spikes have an increased fluid output," Cochise says.

"To compensate?" Ben asks.

"The spikes are not designed to act in such a way," Cochise says. "Fluid output should remain constant. More than that- they are making more than enough fluid to compensate for the spikes you lost."

"Then why do I still feel so…" Ben trails off and then speaks in a low voice. "Weak."

Cochise shifts uncomfortably. "The spikes act as a way to help regulate the body. They help monitor their host. With an overabundance of fluid and fewer spikes, your system is unregulated; the fluid is in your system, but with no direction. It is possible that this is why you are experiencing decreased agility and sensory experiences, and why you have only healed when your injuries were severe. Your spikes may adapt to these changes or they may not."

"And what does that mean for Ben? Maybe you should check Hal, too?" Tom chimes in. It seems to be taking ages to get to the point. He just wants the basics; Cochise can complicate it later.

"This lack of regulation is stressful for the body. In large quantities, fluid is harmful to the body. The safest course of action would be to remove the spikes from your spine altogether," Cochise says, "and, yes, I do believe that I should examine your eldest son in light of these findings."

Ben twists his face and Tom gets the feeling that he has a better idea of what's going on than he's letting on.

"I'll go find Hal," Ben says, getting up and grabbing his shirt before anyone can say anything else.

Cochise watches him go, tilting his head. "I do not believe he took the news well."

"We'll figure it out," Tom says. There's a sick, heavy feeling settling in his stomach. "Do you know how long he's got?"

"It is difficult to pinpoint with accuracy. There are a number of factors to consider, including-"

"_Cochise_," Tom interrupts. Normally he likes listening to Cochise go on, but he can't do it. Not with this. "Best case and worst case."

"Best case: his spikes adjust to their new state, begin regulating themselves as they should, and he lives another twenty years, as he would have beforehand. Worst case: his spikes continue to produce too much fluid and do not regulate it properly, and he survives approximately three more years before his health starts to decline."

"And when it starts to decline?" Tom croaks.

"It is likely that death will follow in a matter of months," Cochise says. "It will be unpleasant."

There's a chasm opening beneath Tom and he feels like he's going to be sick. Even the best case scenario has him outliving his kid. He had been distantly aware of how the spikes were shortening Ben's life, but he had been pushing it to the side of his consciousness.

"Can you remove the spikes?" Tom asks.

Cochise inclines his head. "To maximize his lifespan, it would be wise to do so as soon as possible."

"But it'll be a regular life?" Tom asks.

"Slightly shortened, but not significantly."

"Good," Tom says. The vise around his chest loosens, just a little.


	16. The Fall's Gonna Kill You

Hal considers avoiding Ben when he sees him coming down the hall, but there's no way to make that look casual. Besides, he's _mad_. He had just talked to Maggie about Ben getting tested by Cochise- and he had just gotten loads of weird romantic vibes through his connection with Ben. Unless Ben has developed a massive crush on Cochise, it could only mean one thing.

Objectively, he knows the anger and jealousy he feels are because of these damn spikes- when Ben said they heightened emotions he was _right_. But it's also hard to be objective when you're angry and jealous. The two of them had been here together for ages and, what, Ben decides to try to move in on Maggie?

"Hey, Hal," Ben says lightly.

"What the hell, Ben?" Hal replies.

Ben takes a step back. "What?"

"When you were telling me all that stuff about love. You were thinking about Maggie!" Hal yells. It's really weird, to think that he was feeling romantic feelings about his girlfriend that were actually his brother's. That's just so many levels of messed up.

Ben looks at him sadly. "And other people. Look, Hal-"

"No!" Hal says. "I was relieved when I found out that Maggie had you here with her, and it turns out you were crushing on her!"

"I'd never _do_ anything, Hal! You're my brother and she loves you and you're my brother! But you weren't here! Everyone was Lexi's sycophant, except her and Kadar. She was the only sane person, and god-"

"I can feel it!" Hal says, making a face. "I can literally feel you loving my girlfriend."

"Look, I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do to just stop. I've tried to just stop it before, but it always made everything hurt. Hell, I still miss-" Ben cuts himself off, cutting off a wavering in his voice that catches Hal's attention. "I'm sorry. I'll just… Uh, Cochise needs to see you, but I'll leave you alone now. And stay away from you and Maggie."

"Hey," Hal catches his arm as he tries to leave. "Something's up with you. What's wrong?"

Ben looks down at where Hal is holding onto him and Hal lets go.

"Maybe I gave you defective spikes. Cochise wants to run some tests on you," Ben says, not looking at him. "I think you'll be okay, though."

"What do you mean?"

"Look," Ben takes a couple steps backwards. "You don't want to talk to me right now, and I've gotta… go do something. Cochise is down the hall with Dad. He can check you out and explain everything. Don't squeeze Dad's hand, even if he offers; you might break it."

"What?"

"Don't break Dad's hand," Ben says, taking a few steps back and then darting away before Hal can say anything.

He can feel turbulence and shame through his bond with Ben, and it's so tempting to chase after him. But Hal has the feeling that he'd only make it- whatever it is- worse since he has no idea what's going on, so he lets Ben go before walking down the hall to find Dad and Cochise.

"Guys?" Hal says, peering around the doorframe to see Dad standing with Cochise. "Ben, uh, said you needed to see me?"

"Ben's spikes are malfunctioning," Dad says. There's a lifeless quality to his voice that scares Hal. "Cochise needs to check yours."

"If you are agreeable," Cochise adds.

"Yeah, of course," Hal says numbly. "Whatever you need."

Hal does whatever Cochise tells him without question, passing in a blur. He's too busy trying to think things through. He can't believe he was berating his brother when something so serious was going on.

Cochise starts pressing something into a spike and it's the most excruciating thing that Hal has ever felt. It jolts him out of his thoughts, makes him wish he could be jolted out of his body, just for a while.

Dad holds out his hand to him, and Hal has to take it, heedless of Ben's warning. Hal squeezes hard, but somehow his dad's face stays firm. As Cochise moves to the second spike, Hal squeezes harder and he feels a crunch reverberate through his body.

"Don't worry," Dad says, before Hal can even begin to apologize. He presses his other hand to Hal's cheek. "You're doing great."

It almost doesn't sound like a lie.

By the time Cochise is finished with him, Hal feels faint so he lays on the table. He realizes that he's still gripping Dad's hand, and he lets go.

"I will return soon," Cochise says.

Dad squats down next to him, smiling softly at him. It reminds him of when he had been sick with the flu, way back when. Not regular flu, some kind of super strain. Both Mom and Dad had been terrified for him, Hal realizes that now, but back then they had had matching, comforting smiles, like they knew that everything was going to be okay.

Now he knows that it's a benevolent lie, but it still comforts him now. He just wishes Mom could smile at him the same way again.

"You should get your hand looked at," Hal says. "I'll be fine here."

Dad gingerly stretches his hand. "It's alright. Don't worry about it."

"I'm sorry. Ben warned me not to. But it had just been too much," Hal explains raggedly. "It helped."

Dad is still smiling his comforting smile. "It's okay. As long as it helped, it's okay."

"What about Ben?"

The smile slips, and it stings Hal somewhere deep inside, to know that his dad can't stay composed over Ben when he can stay composed for Hal, even when Hal is breaking his bones.

"It doesn't look good, but Cochise can save him. Take out his spikes so he can live a mostly normal life. Otherwise he'll only be around for another twenty years. At best," Dad says. Hal can tell that he's working to convince himself this plan will work.

"He'll never go for it," Hal says, shaking his head.

"It's his life," Dad says simply and he has convinced himself. "Decades of it."

"You didn't see him when he started fighting, when you were on the ship. He was so eager that it was almost scary. He won't give it up," Hal says. He hadn't wanted to let Ben fight, but Weaver had insisted, egged on by Jimmy. It had only been because of the spikes that Weaver had been swayed in the first place.

"We'll convince him," Dad says with such conviction that Hal doesn't have the heart to argue against him.

Hal just smiles a comforting smile of his own.

As he lays there, he starts to feel better. The fire starts to fade into a dull ache that's tolerable enough. His head is still pounding, so he stays on his side. The raucous conversations happening around them aren't helping. It'd be okay, if only he could sort the conversations out, but it's one big ball bouncing around the inside of his skull.

Hal can hear Cochsie coming down the hall, so he forces himself to sit up. Dad frowns and stands up, facing the door.

"Are you feeling better, Hal Mason?" Cochise asks.

"Depends on what you have to say," Hal says honestly.

"Your spikes are producing a regular amount of fluid. They are managing your body adequately," Cochise says.

"That's good, right?" Dad asks, voice tinged with hope.

"While the spikes will shorten your life by a decade or two- less than usual, due to having fewer than usual spikes- you are, otherwise, in superb condition," Cochise says.

It's a confusing rush of emotion. Of course, he's happy to be alive and happy that he's still could be alive in thirty years' time. But Ben. From the sounds of it, he won't be with him. And it's probably because of Hal.

"How?" Hal asks. "How are my spikes different from Ben's?"

"I do not have the equipment necessary to determine why your and your brother's spikes are behaving as they are, simply to determine their behavior," Cochise says.

"Please, Cochise," Hal says. "There's gotta be something else you can do. Analyze more. Something."

"I can remove his spikes, with his consent," Cochise says. "That is all I can do."

Hal hangs his head. It's basically a death sentence. He wonders if Anne would remove the spikes if they brought Ben to her unconscious.

"I'm gonna go. Find Ben," Hal says numbly.

It's a lie. He's pretty sure that Ben doesn't want to see him right now. He doesn't want to see Ben right now. He doesn't want Ben to tell him to be alright with him dying right now. But he can't sit in this room with Dad's false hope either. It's almost emphatic enough to give Hal hope.

He can't hear Matt's voice, but he can hear the familiar sound of him breathing softly. There are only two sets of lungs that little around here anymore, and he knows instinctively which set is Matt.

Super speed is great because before he can even contemplate it, he's at Matt.

"Hal?" Matt asks, looking up from the debris he's digging through.

Moving slowly and carefully, like Matt is made of glass, Hal wraps his arms around his youngest brother, pressing his face into the little puff of Matt's hair.

"What's wrong?" Matt asks.

Hal immediately feels bad about worrying Matt. He never used to be so impulsive, especially not with Matt. Damn spikes.

"Nothing," Hal says softly. "I'm okay."

"Okay," Matt's muffled voice says as he hugs him back, tight. "I'm not gonna think you're ignoring me after just a few minutes, you know. I'm not a _baby_."

"I know," Hal says, rubbing his back gently. "I know."

He has to bite down on his lip hard to keep himself from bursting out- whether it'd be laughter or tears he honestly doesn't know.


	17. Dying of the Light

There's a deafening silence in his ears. He's in the middle of the woods and while he should be hearing the sounds of all the animals, the sounds of the air inching against the trees, all he's hearing is silence.

Of all the stupid things to let happen, letting Hal find out about his feelings for Maggie is the stupidest. They're not even serious (okay, they are, but it's not like he's gonna do anything about it). Like, he knows he's been a terrible brother sometimes, but not that terrible.

He's still exhausted from the examination, so he stretches out on the ground. The rocks and branches under him barely meet his notice and before he knows it, he's asleep.

"Ben!" There's a voice yelling at him and he doesn't want to respond to it. It's Hal's voice and he doesn't really want to talk to Hal again. So he doesn't.

"Is he okay?" Now it's Dad's voice and now Dad's hand is shaking him gently. Okay, he'll wake up for Dad, but only because he sounds so worried.

"I'm trying to take a nap," Ben says, blinking his eyes open to see Dad's terrified face hovering above him. He sits up. "What's wrong? Is Hal okay?"

"Yeah, Ben." Hal squats next to him. "My spikes are perfectly normal."

"Good," Ben says. He had figured.

When Ben catches sight of Dad's hand, bandaged and clearly broken, he raises an eyebrow at Hal. He had warned him. At least he looks appropriately guilty.

"We've got to go back to camp, Ben," Dad says, hoisting him to his feet. "Cochise is getting the machine ready."

"Machine?"

"To remove your spikes," Dad says.

"What?" Ben says, stumbling back. "I'm not having them removed."

"What do you mean? Of course you are. They're going to kill you," Dad says. "It might be in three years, it might be in twenty, but they're going to kill you unless you get them removed now."

Three years. Wow. In three years, he was supposed to be partway through undergrad, not dying of some alien spikes. Things are weird. He thought he would have more time than three years.

"Dad," Ben presses his lips together. "There are fewer humans left than ever. We need every available fighter. We need my skills."

Not that he's been very skilled recently, but it's been a rough adjustment. Once he adjusts, he'll be helpful again.

"We need you, Ben," Dad says. "We need you alive, not with spikes."

"Look, I'll figure it out," Ben says. "That way my life will be as long as possible."

"Figure it out?" Hal interrupts before Dad can say anything. "What do you mean?"

Ben shrugs uncomfortably. "I think it's my fault that they're making too much fluid."

"How could it be your fault?" Hal asks.

"They know me and that I don't like…" Ben scuffs his foot on the ground. "They're trying to compensate for me. It's why I knew Hal would be fine. He's not missing anything."

Ben can feel the shame coursing through Hal and he shakes his head, just a little. There's no reason for Hal to feel ashamed for this. This is Ben's own doing, no one else's.

"You're not missing anything, though," Dad says. He rests his good hand on Ben's shoulder and squeezes.

"Everything is so dull, just missing three spikes. With none?" Ben shudders a little. "And this isn't the time for me to try to get used to it."

"You're always going to find a reason why not," Hal says softly. "Why now isn't the right time."

Ben can feel the suffocating, overwhelming sadness radiating off of Hal. But there's a finality to it. He's accepted what Dad hasn't yet.

"Once the fighting is over," Ben says, the compromise coming to him even as he starts speaking. "Once the fighting is over, I'll let Cochise take them out. I won't fight, or argue, or make excuses."

"That's not good enough," Dad says. "Who knows how long this war will last?"

Ben shrugs. "Hopefully not long."

"Don't ask me to agree to this, Ben," Dad's voice is soft and trembling. "Don't ask me to agree to watch you die."

He pulls his dad close so he doesn't have to look him in the eye. Ben loves his dad more than anything else, so it's hard to disappoint him now, but he knows it's for the best.

"I'm sorry," Ben whispers. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you, too, Ben," Dad says.

When they walk back to camp, Dad walks in front of Ben and Hal. Ben can see his shoulders shaking, and when he looks over at Hal, he's looking worriedly at Dad.

He catches Hal's eye, and Hal doesn't smile or frown at him, just sighs at him.

Dad makes an excuse once they reach camp to run off, and both Ben and Hal watch him go, lips pressed together.

"You know what," Ben says, once he's out of sight, "I haven't shown you the absolute coolest thing, yet."

"I don't know…" Hal says.

"Come on," Ben says, tugging on his sleeve. "This is good."

"Okay, dork," Hal says, coming along reluctantly.

Ben drags him to some of the taller ruins, holding his older brother's hand like he's a little kid again. He doesn't know how high Hal can jump, but it's going to be fun to find out. It's a big, tall structure, but there are plenty of smaller structures that Hal should be able to get to.

"Remember how you always used to tease me by holding stuff over your head?" Ben asks. "And then I'd have to jump to try to get my, like, glasses back?"

"Yeah…" Hal says, squinting at him. "Are you gonna steal something from me?"

"Nah, but I am gonna make you jump," Ben says, grinning. "All the way up to the top."

"All the way up there?" Hal asks, whistling softly.

"Yeah! I mean, I guess you don't have to get all the way up in one bound, since you don't have that many spikes. But you can get all the way up there," Ben says.

"That's crazy!" Hal says. "I'm not getting all the way up there."

"Come on!" Ben jumps up to the lowest structure, some burnt out one story house.

"Ben!" But now Hal is laughing with him, and when Ben turns around, he's jumping towards him. He lands next to Ben with a grin wide on his face. "That's such a rush."

"It used to be I could get all the way to the top from here," Ben says, wistfully.

"You've gotta give me some tips," Hal says.

It's so good to feel something happy through his connection to Hal. Everything has been so fractious and sad, but maybe there can be an upside too; Hal's excitement over these short jumps is absolutely wiping away Ben's wistfulness.

"You've got to be careful about where you jump," Ben warns, smile wide. "You don't want to land on something just to have it break under your weight. So make sure you look before you leap."

"So, I take it you've had a couple nasty falls," Hal says.

"Yeah," Ben says, shrugging sheepishly. "I mostly just kept them to myself."

"Dummy," Hal says, but with warmth in his voice. "You should have said something."

Ben elbows him and then jumps up to the next spot. "I was scared, okay? It was a scary time."

Hal jumps and lands next to him with a groan. "Yeah, I get that now. I get how scary this must have been when you were all alone. It's scary now."

"Bend your knees a little more, when you land," Ben says before leaping again.

By the time they've reached the top, Ben's given Hal plenty of advice and he's jumping like a pro. Ben is impressed, but not really surprised- Hal was always the athlete.

"This is incredible," Hal says, voice laced with laughter as he takes in the sight.

Ben looks up from where he's sitting, glad to see that Hal's smiling in the dusk. "It's a good place to watch a sunset from."

"I feel like I could keep jumping. Forget digging up that beamer, I can jump all the way to the moon!" Hal says, plopping next to Ben.

"You sound like Dad," Ben says, swinging his legs. "But you'd explosively decompress before you got to the moon, unfortunately. Plus, no oxygen in space."

"Do you _always_ have to be a killjoy?" Hal asks.

Ben nudges him. "Anything to annoy you, Hal. You know that."

"I've noticed, trust me," Hal says.

The two of them sit on the ruin of some old building, watching as the sun sets.

"I'm sorry," Hal breaks the silence. "For doing this to you. I'm why you're gonna die so young. If I had been faster, had gotten away, or-"

"Shut up," Ben says. "It's not your fault. I'd give you my spikes again, if I could go back. You're my brother."

"I'm your older brother. I'm supposed to protect you," Hal says, "not the other way around."

"Hey, at least this way you'll still be around to protect Matt," Ben points out. Matt was always better with Hal anyway. One of the last things he wants to think about it Matt losing Hal, especially if he could stop it.

"That's true."

"Can I ask you a favor?" Ben says.

"Okay."

"Look out for Dad too. When I go. I know you've got to look out for Matt first, but, Dad's going to have a real hard time," Ben says, staring hard into the distance. He swallows.

"He's gonna hate me," Hal says distantly. "He'll blame me, too."

Ben furrows his brow and looks over at Hal. "I don't know if this makes it better or worse, but even when I'm dead, there will still be a part of me in you. So he wouldn't be able to hate you, even if he wanted to." There are parts of all the Espheni that have controlled him locked inside him somewhere. He hates it. Hopefully Hal won't resent him for it too much.

"That might be worse," Hal says. He's looking down, probably watching the animals. "Definitely worse."

"And I'm sorry, too," Ben says, going back to staring at the distance.

"For what?"

"When I die, you're going to feel it. I'll try to shield you from it, but it'll be the worst thing you've ever felt," Ben says. "And I'm sorry."

"How do you know that?"

"I've had a couple skitters in my head when they died. It's not fun. It was less fun when it was Red Eye," who he had loved, in a way. "So I'd guess it'll be less fun when it's me. You like me more than a skitter, right?"

"Shut up, Ben," Hal says, swallowing hard as he shoves him. "Don't joke about it today."

"Okay," Ben says. There's a long silence. "You know I always loved you, right? Like, I know I didn't always show it. But I did. I just got jealous."

"Jealous?" Hal asks in disbelief.

Even though he's (hopefully) not going to die for a few years yet, there's a freedom in knowing that it's coming. He won't have to live with his words for decades, just for years.

"Yeah," Ben says. "Everyone always loved you. All the other kids. Matt." God, he had wanted Matt to like him like he liked Hal. "Me, even when I wanted to hate you. I was so jealous of that."

"So you decided to be a huge brat instead?" Hal asks, looking at him slyly.

"Hey, you could be a pretty big brat, too. You dumb jock."

"That's because_ I_ was jealous. My nerdy little brother who was so much smarter without trying than I ever could be," Hal says. "You know what I used to be terrified of?" He laughs.

Ben shakes his head. "What?"

"That when you got to high school, you'd end up in my classes and you'd outshine me," Hal says. "And you know you would have, too."

Ben laughs, too. "Yeah, I would have. It would have been embarrassing, for us both."

God, they had been so dumb. The both of them.

Hal slings an arm companionably around him and Ben looks over at him and grins. For the first time since they were really little kids, he feels close to his older brother. Ben wonders if they ever would have gotten here without all of the crazy stuff that had happened.

"We're gonna be okay, right?" Ben asks. Just to be sure. They don't usually talk about feelings or fears or anything like that.

"For now, Ben," Hal squeezes his shoulder gently. "We're okay right now."

Hal is Ben's big brother; he trusts him. It's going to be okay.

* * *

**This is the final chapter before the epilogue. There's major character death in the epilogue.**


	18. Epilogue: Five Years Gone

Bright and shining. It's bright and shining when they bury Ben. As much as Hal hates it- the weather should be as empty as he feels- it's appropriate. Ben had been bright and shining, too, in his own way.

The war had been won weeks ago, but it had come too late for Ben. By then, he had already been in decline and Dad hadn't even made him keep his promise to get his spikes removed once the fighting was over. There was no point and they all knew it.

Hal had felt Ben getting sick before he could see it. He had felt Ben's fear and Ben's dismay and it had been easy to connect the dots. Who ever would have imagined that Hal would find it easy to connect Ben's dots? But he had. And he had waited for Ben to come to him and tell him.

A couple days later, Hal had walked in on Ben coughing up blood in their living room (They kind of had a house then. It was surreal). Fear had flooded him as he realized that it was really, truly it.

"We should go talk to Dad," Hal had said. "He'll want to know."

"You know he doesn't," Ben had said.

Dad had immediately gone pale and hugged Ben to him painfully tightly. He had put Ben on bed rest, which mostly meant that Ben puttered around the house, reading or playing with Matt.

There had been one last mission, two months after Ben had fallen ill. The Espheni had been building another superweapon in Boston- Cochise assured them it was a last ditch attempt to destroy Earth- and they needed every able bodied fighter to destroy it. There had been a lot of loud arguing, but Ben had finally won out. He and Hal were too good fighting together.

Hal had to carry Ben out, once they managed to set the charges and after that Ben had rarely left his bed. Cochise had come by almost every day to check on Ben, usually administering some kind of medicine, and Hal had always tried to avoid listening to him and Dad murmur outside his door afterwards.

Matt had spent a lot of time in Ben's room with him. Somehow he had gotten taller than Hal, but he had always crawled into Hal's lap when Ben had fallen asleep.

"Maybe you shouldn't spend so much time in here," Hal had told Matt once.

Matt had looked at him with a haunting steadiness and said, "I barely remember Mom. I don't want to forget Ben."

That had been the end of that conversation.

Hal hadn't been in the room when Ben died- someone had to do the shopping and they had taken so much charity from Maggie, Deni, and Cochise already. Expecting Dad to leave Ben's bedside to shop seemed cruel to them both.

He had felt Ben die, though. One minute, Hal could feel Ben through their bond, fading but always fighting, but then a jolt of longing before a vast emptiness. Just a vast emptiness.

There's still a vast emptiness as he's standing in front of their friends and family at Ben's funeral. It's funny- when he first found out that he and Ben were feeling each other's emotions, he would have done almost anything to get his privacy back. Now, he misses it.

"You all knew Ben," Hal starts. "He was stubborn. He could be a real brat, like, all the time. Sometimes, I just wanted to strangle him. Who needs two little brothers, anyway?" Hal takes a big, steadying breath. "I do. Because Ben was also kind and brave and so smart that I was always jealous. In some ways, I've been very lucky since the Espheni came. While, like everyone, I've lost a lot, I also got to know and appreciate my little brother in ways that I never would have otherwise." And that's something, right?

Hal looks down at his brother's body. It looks so peaceful in a way that Ben never had been in life. He takes a deep breath and looks back up at the gathering. God, this is so hard. None of these words feel right to him, even though Ben had looked them over and given them his seal of approval before dying.

The benefits of knowing you're going to die, Ben had said with a wry smile.

"And Ben was a good person to know. I'm happy that I got the chance to really understand my little brother. It helped make us both better people, I think. I love you, Ben. And I hope wherever you are now is good."

Dad tries to speak, but he can't. He gets up, manages to squeak out a few words about some historical dead guy that Hal has never heard of, and then he proceeds to just kind of stare at Ben's body like he still can't believe he's burying his son, making little gasping noises. Hal gives him thirty seconds to get himself together, and then when he doesn't, Hal gets back up and shepherds Dad back to his seat for the rest of the ceremony.

Hal can remember when he had gotten back to their house that night. Matt had been waiting for him at the door and Hal had scooped him in a big hug. He had felt like he should be concerned that Matt wasn't crying, but when they had made their way to Ben's room, he had become even more concerned that Dad hadn't been crying. He had just been sitting there, shaking Ben's shoulder a little like he hoped he could wake Ben up.

Hal had, eventually, helped Dad get to his feet and taken him to his own bedroom. When he had closed the door behind him, he had finally heard the sobbing he had expected. It had been a relief, in a way.

Hal keeps an eye on Dad for the rest of the ceremony. A couple other people get up to talk- Deni, Maggie, even Cochise gets up to say a few awkward words. Matt had insisted that he was no good with words, so he didn't want to speak. Dad doesn't look like he's listening to them; he's just staring at the casket blankly.

Matt reaches over and squeezes his hand. Hal looks over as he squeezes back. He's worried about Matt so much. As far as Hal can tell, he hasn't shed a tear over Ben yet. That isn't to say that he isn't clearly devastated- there's an empty look in his eyes that looks almost as vast as what Hal feels inside. But no tears. It's not a good thing, Hal is pretty sure.

There's very little that makes Hal feel uncomfortable quicker than not knowing what's up with Matt.

"I don't want to bury him," Dad says in a strained voice when the ceremony is over. "I don't want to put him in the cold ground."

"I know, Dad," Hal says. "But it's just his body. He's not in there anymore." Hal had tried so hard to find some proof that he had been wrong when he felt the emptiness stretch through him.

"It's just-" Dad gives a strangled laugh. "A lousy situation."

"The good news is we have each other to get through a lousy situation," Hal says and then he freezes. The way it rolled off his tongue felt familiar even though he's never said it before.

Dad is giving him the strangest look and that's when Hal realizes that he's accidentally let one of the little pieces of Ben slip through. Hal has noticed it before- memories that he knows aren't his, being interested in some of Dad's rambles, little things that he knows had to have come through his connection with Ben.

"I'm sorry," Hal whispers. The emptiness is threatening to swallow him up.

"It's alright," Dad says softly.

He hugs Hal tightly and it makes Hal feel a little less empty. Matt comes up, wiggling his way between the two of them. He's shaking and Hal does his best to hold him tightly.

Their family is so much smaller than it used to be. He doesn't know what they're going to do. It's the three of them now.

Dad gives them a final squeeze and then lets them go. Hal clings onto Matt as they watch Dad take tentative steps towards the casket. He strokes Ben's face and leans down to kiss his forehead.

Hal looks at Matt and nods. They come up behind Dad to take their turns to say their silent goodbyes. Hal squeezes Ben's cold shoulder gently. He knows that Ben isn't in there anymore, but he can almost imagine Ben shrugging him off.

Matt leans down and hugs him tightly. He says, "Goodbye, Ben," in a muffled voice. Hal rests his hand on Matt's shaking back, letting him take all the time that he needs.

When the three of them are done, Dad shuts the lid and the thud reverberates through Hal. It's the last time he'll ever see Ben's face, except for a few scrappy pictures.

Deni and Cochise both help them carry the casket to the burial place- a secluded corner of their yard surrounded by trees. It's a quiet corner and Hal knows they're all going to spend a lot of time out here.

Everyone else leaves them to bury Ben, just the three of them. They work in silence, each shovelful of dirt pounding loudly through Hal's skull, like how every sound used to. By now, he's figured out how to block out some overwhelming sounds, but it's not working right now.

"I want you boys to know how proud I am of you. For everything," Dad says when they're done. He squeezes their shoulders. "And I know I haven't been paying as much attention to the both of you in the last few months. I'm sorry for that, and it's going to change."

"We get it, Dad," Matt says. "We've all wanted to be with Ben."

"Yeah, don't worry about it," Hal says. "We understand."

"I love you both," Dad says. "And we're going to figure out where to go from here."

"I'm- uh- actually gonna enroll in high school," Matt says. "I think."

"Really?" Dad says.

Hal is equally surprised. Matt had never been one for education. He had talked and talked about maybe joining the military, which had made Hal, Dad, and Ben all cringe.

"Yeah." Matt looks super uncomfortable. "Ben said he thought I could do it. So." Matt shrugs.

"He's right," Hal says immediately. "You'll do great."

"They've asked me to help craft a new constitution, but I want to stay here and I want to get back into teaching again," Dad says.

"Are you sure?" Hal asks. He would have figured that Dad would have jumped to help write a new constitution.

"They're starting new universities, and I can help with that," Dad says.

They're both looking at him expectantly and it's then that Hal has no idea what comes next. Everything that Hal has done for the last five years has been about protecting his family, especially Ben. And what now, that he's failed at keeping Ben safe and there's no more war? There's no one to seek revenge against, nothing to fight against anymore.

"Now," Dad says carefully, "you need to rest, Hal. We can figure out the rest later."

"Rest?"

"I'm gonna need someone to help me with my homework," Matt points out.

Hal takes a deep, shaky breath. That sounds okay. That sounds scarily normal, but it also sounds okay.


End file.
